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Short ears n yellow throats...

2012-02-27T02:54:00.008-08:00

Personally I cannot wait for the Spring to arrive and to put this rather dull winter behind us…

For relative ‘newbies’ to birding I guess thus far it has been entertaining…what with Slate coloured Junco, Spanish Sparrow and a fine Welsh Yellowthroat on offer…[even I’m tempted by the latter bird]…hhmmm…!

The cold brutal snaps of winter have produced jack shit re what i might have hoped for…[ie..Wallcreepers…hordes of Hawk Owls ravaging the landscape and preying on a multitude of UK invading Pine Grosbeaks]…etc

Even locally the birding scene can only be described as dull and deeply uninspiring ditchwater…apart from the odd Iceland Gull…a resident Long Tailed Duck, Green winged Teal and Tundra bean Goose.

So where lies any birding entertainment…?

Well fortunately I find it hard to tire of watching Short eared Owls which, owing presumably to a very good previous breeding season, are in very good numbers this winter in the UK.

And what’s not to like about Short eared Owls...[unless you’re a rodent]…?

A friend of mine got me access to some private farmland recently where there are double figures of these critters and we had a fine session snapping pix…

The habitat at this site doesn’t look anything special…far from it…[see B&W photo]..but obviously there must be prey in abundance to gather such a number Short ears…[up to 14 birds]..!

Of course it may well be that the area is just some sort of ‘general’ roosting site and that perhaps the birds disperse to hunt further afield…

I don’t know.

What I do know is that all ‘owl fans’ should make the most of such unusually high numbers…it may be some years before there is another such SEO influx…so enjoy…!

*[note]….i wrote the above blurb last week and never got round to posting it…and since then I’ve had a wee bit more entertainment…namely I got round to seeing that ‘fine Welsh Yellowthroat’ last Saturday. No hassle of the bird by twitchy folk on site…friendly locals….a quid in the bucket…etc…a pleasant afternoon in all…[especially on top of seeing at least 5 Goshawk in the Forest of Dean en route]…!

And did I get any photos of said fine Yellowthroat?…well obviously not…it took long enough to get good views…[the bird being as sneaky as the sneakiest of Locustella Warblers]…

Found this excellent youtube vid of the bird in question…[I hope the film-maker, Mark Hipkin, doesn’t mind me putting it on here]…!

Says it all really…a bird as bright as a spring blooming blighty daffodil…

Heres some SEO footage i found with soundtrack by the Dead Kennedy's....

American punk not quite in the same league as these fine fellows....[PIL have new album and tour coming up...and they're even coming to Leicester]...hoo-de' rah..blah blah...

ps...I know i've whacked this track on this blog before...and i make no apologies for putting it on again...[ha]...!

Balls....?

2012-02-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

Re my last post about the successful weekend Japanese ‘twitch’ for a quack quack…[Baers Pochard]….I find myself asking a question having read some recent comments on BF.

Does it indeed take ‘balls’ to undertake such a seemingly absurd venture?

Prerequisite to a weekend birding assault on Japan is…[presumably]… a good wedge of cash…time and the ability to put up with travel fatigue…plus dedicated birding listing madness…but ‘balls’…?

If you can afford to risk the money on such a twitchy trip then really it doesn’t take enormous gonads….

Had the pursuers of this rare bird hitched to Japan with goldfish bowls of wasps strapped to their heads…or maybe even sky-dived from 23 miles up in a balloon to crash land into the lake…then yes…that would definitely take ‘balls’….[huge hairy space-hopper shaped ones in fact]...

As long as you’re in the financial position to shrug your shoulders if you happen to dip and not be overly fussed about waving goodbye to a weekend of your life and the expenses incurred…then fine…but it hardly takes the aforementioned ‘balls’….[just my opinion]…

This is not to decry this amazing Japanese twitch…far from it…it’s all about what an individual wants to do…[and it’s a great story]…

Ps…and speaking of what an individual wants to do…and loosely related to ‘balls’….Harry Rednapp for Engerrland manager…?

Or like the duck…do you even give a fuck…?

Reckon the vid below is appropriate for this point in time...[it depicts the England players and fans in preperation for a match]...ha

Desperate for a duck....

2012-02-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

This weekend intrepid birders ‘may’ have attempted a twitch from the UK for a duck... in Japan..!!

That’s dedication…and wonderful madness for you…!

Okay….so Baers Pochard is a rare quacker…and one that is rapidly declining owing to wetland destruction and hunting with perhaps now only 5,000 individuals left on the planet…but does it really get your birding juices flowing…?

Well no…[not me personally]….but there are no rules when it comes to such matters of obsession….

So if a particular bird 'turns you on'...[so to speak]...then go for it…!

Without such daft endeavours the world would be a seriously dull place….and in fact I hope that there’s a lot of publicity about this venture so that it may highlight the plight of this increasingly rare bird…not that those concerned with the ducks demise will, in all probability, give a Pekin fuck.

[This latter opinion, I note, was mentioned on the latest ‘Conference Calls’ talking naturally podcast thing].

As I write this shit I’m not quite sure if the twitchy birders even made it out of Schipol airport owing to the recent snowy Siberian weather conditions…[I sincerely hope that they did]…!

If they didn't get a flight out then i guess that they can try again in the next few weeks...weather permitting.

So…do you fancy ‘a duck’…?

And if so how much are you willing to pay…?

Tell you what…I’d want more than one orgasmic ‘duck’ to part with several hundred quid…

”Me duck you long time”….[chuckle]…!

Heres a nice instrumental piece from Japan....[respects to Mick Karn]...

Just in case some of you might be wondering exactly what a Baers Pochard looks like...

And here is a quacker that 'does it' for me....!

ps...just read that the mad bastards got over to Japan...and 'scored' the Pochard....fortune favours the brave...and the crazy....!

Reichenbach Fall or "No shit Sherlock"...

2012-01-21T10:30:00.000-08:00

As mysteries and problems go, I imagine that Sherlock’s recently televised death will not cause many folks sleepless nights. I mean…its not as if its something ‘really’ important like a bird identification issue or redpoll taxonomy is it…? [ha]..!

To me though…I am intrigued, hugely entertained and indebted to everyone concerned in the Sherlock series for producing such a classy drama that has left befuddled fans trying to fathom out how Holmes deceived their eyes…

Speaking of which…i note that Steven Moffat recently announced in an interview with the Guardian newspaper that viewers had overlooked a vital clue when witnessing the bitter end of Sherlock in the Reichenbach Fall…

Theories in abundance litter the internet on this mystery….but why all the fuss….?…and why am I writing about it and not the usual potty-mouthed nonsense about birds…?

Why…? Well…because there is still fuck all going on in the birding world and quite obviously because the BBC’s Sherlock series has been a triumph of adaptation for this day and age and has subsequently captured many imaginations….including mine…!

I believe that Moffat is correct in his suspicions that fans of Sherlock include many fans of the recently revived Doctor Who…like myself…[ever since Russell T Davis breathed new live into the sci-fi series and took the show into a new dimension that is]…

Last Sunday I, along with about 8 million other viewers, were enthralled by the intensity of the Reichenbach Fall episode….a dizzying ride of well executed action along with some inspired choices of accompanying music to carry the visuals…

It was good to see Andrew Scott as Moriarty finally becoming fully fledged as the twisted soul and archenemy of Holmes…and his apparent ‘death’ can surely not be true either…

I feel sure that like the daleks…he will return….[you can’t keep a bad man down…not for long anyway]…just like that nut-job Michael Myers…

But back to the apparent suicide of Holmes, if you’re at all interested…

So what clue did we all miss..?

Clues or so called ‘red herrings’ were everywhere…from the man on a bike that knocked Watson over or Molly who may have supplied Holmes with a corpse to chuck off the building…etc

All too obvious I feel…perhaps mere playful distractions added by the superb scriptwriters to confuse viewers and to give themselves a well-deserved self-satisfied smirk!

It might be wise to remember Arthur Conan Doyle’s thoughts when attempting to solve any mystery…[be it solving fictitious deaths or indeed…bird identification should you be so inclined]…!

“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important”

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth”

And my favourite quote…”There is nothing as deceptive as an obvious fact”….

Ps…Answers to “How the fuck did Sherlock fake his own death”? on a postcard please to 221b Baker Sreet….[and no…that isn’t an obvious opening for me to bang on Gerry Rafferty’s well known hit song regarding said street]…!

Here's a track dedicated to Holmes and Moriarty....

And one for the 'falls'...Reichenbach or otherwise....!

A day in Norfolk...

2012-01-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

As we drove through Cley village on Saturday morning the inevitable memories of ‘days past’ flooded my somewhat sleep deprived mind…

For an ‘old lag’ like myself it is impossible to pass Nancys old place without thinking of how things have changed….we ‘rabble’ that used to enjoy the mecca of rare birding with all its obsessive fun loving freaks from the early days…etc…

We frequently comment that Nancy’s ex-café should have been made into a museum…[as frequent as those comments from birders that would have us ‘rose tinted twitchers’ stuffed and put in a fuckin museum]…and they may have a point…[chuckle]…!

But lest you think that I’m about to launch into reminiscing like an old fart then think again…time’s move on...and so did we..

Winter days with minimized daylight hours means that one has to prioritise bird seeking…[so much to see and so little time]…!

Ideally en route we would have stopped to look at some Cranes at the roadside..we didn’t.

Ideally we would have looked for the Great Grey Shrike when passing thru Fakenham…we didn’t do that either...

No…instead we waltzed on by to Cley very mindful that time has a habit of running out when you attempt to see too much…!

The Western Sandpiper that has graced and caused controversy at Cley for such a long time had just been located as we arrived at Pats Pool and we soon latched onto this bird …[tho at distance you couldn’t tell exactly what species it was].

Yes it was ‘the’ bird but it was hardly inspiring or conclusive…even less inspiring when it disappeared amidst the swirls of wings in the wind that swept the morning landscape..

Fortunately tho, on Simmonds Scrape, the peep appeared amongst the Dunlins and eventually settled down for a while giving quite reasonable, but not crippling, views.

I took a few shitty record shots of the bird, as can be seen attached here, great aren’t they…?

I cannot really, on what I saw, add anything to what has already been stated elsewhere on the ID of this Sandpiper…but I will say something that my photos emphasized to me for the umpteenth time…"don’t trust photographs"..!

Whilst the bird showed itself at reasonable range I concentrated on trying to see any rufous in the scaps and saw fuck all…the only real colour I noticed being the buff edged tertiaries…yet when later home looking at my naff pix on the PC the camera had obviously ‘filled in’ a colour which in the field was simply not there…

Now folks who have seen this bird at closer quarters know much better than i…and I do not dispute the critical observations of others….[I’m sure that they are quite correct]…however…I must stress the importance of digital artifacts when attempting ID’s based on pix alone….

Well I didn’t ‘have to’ stress that importance…but I decided for some reason to do so…!

That bird, as they say, ‘nailed’….we migrated in a westerly direction to Holkham where we were soon reminding ourselves of how beautiful Shorelarks are as we stood admiring four birds in brilliant sunshine…they really are stunning things…!

Sated with Shorelark we began searching for the nearby reported Rough legged Buzzards which we failed to locate…but in that time we observed a good candidate for Black Brant amongst hordes of geese that littered the land…[albeit a fuckin mile away].

Time has a habit of moving forwards and so we too moved forwards to Titchwell for the Arctic Redpoll that eventually gave itself up and allayed any previous doubts I might have had about its identity…[going back to ‘photos’ and appearance].

Quite a cracking little bird in reality that most of us enjoyed scope views of…but I did miss ‘a tick’ around this time owing to my lack of observation..

“A tick”…? Yes….the tick being Bryan Bland with trousers on…[chuckle]…

All too soon though the sun was being sucked down towards the horizon but not before we arrived at Royden Common in time to see a juv Hen Harrier quartering the increasing gloom…

No male Hen Harriers unfortunately…but you take what you can get…and we’d had a great day out…twas very nice to have caught up on a few bits and pieces…

My apologies to those species that we simply didn’t have time to look at…..next week maybe…!

Music vid of the day below...i like this fellows stuff...only just heard of him..!

Blast from the past..a classic...

New species of Hummer...

2012-01-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

Firstly…a happy new year to you all…!

New years day for me kicked off at Eye brook Reservoir where we were fortunate enough to see, as far as I can tell, a Cackling Goose…or Richardson’s Goose [Hutchinsii]…

Buger knows where it came from or indeed where it went to for, despite much searching, it has yet to be relocated…[my apologies for the exceedingly crap photo but it was very late on in the day]….

This may be the first county record of this species tho apparently others have been claimed…[not that I heard owt about ‘them’]…!

So nothing else really to woffle on about locally and nationally as things, as I write, are about the same…[yawn]…

A thread on BF caught my eye today which I found very interesting and concerns a new species of Hummingbird…

Eyes and spies in the skies and all that....see the first vid well below this text…

I think that they've got a way to go yet before they produce a hummer of this quality...[always liked this TV ad...not that it makes me wanna buy an Audi and drive, as many Audi drivers do, like complete twats]...chuckle...

May your new year be as great as this Little Dragon track....

Nothing to do with birds...

2011-12-31T04:20:00.000-08:00

As there has been relatively fuck all about ‘birdwise’ of late I thought instead I might do a review of movies and stuff that I’ve watched over the Christmas festering period…

Best birds I’ve seen recently, not that anyone gives a crap, was a Snow Bunting at Rutland Water and a Rose ringed Parakeet near to where I live…[i said you wouldn’t give a crap]…!

So are you interested in my ‘reviews’…? No..? [Very wise...i wouldnt blame you]..!

Movies:

“Contagion”….despite some high profile actors this film was an extremely mediocre predictable pile of poo…nuff said…[don’t bother renting from Blockbusters]..

“Final Destination 5”…a great comedy…fun for all the family…sit back in hysterics and watch the usual line up of guys n gals get knocked off by Mr. Death in lots of hilarious ways…

“Insidious”…classic creepy stuff…but not as freaky as the next film…

“Kill List”….an amazing film by Ben Wheatley…kinda like “In Bruges” meets “The Wicker Man”…very strong and quite disturbing stuff…

“X-men: first class”….great bollox…highly enjoyable…!

“Thor”…not as good as X-men but okay…

“Limitless”…most entertaining film about pill popping….!

Television stuff:

The most appalling ‘comedy’ I saw was David Jason in “The Royal Bodyguard”…how this fuckin shite got onto the screens is beyond me…I didn’t even raise a slight smirk. An embarrassing horror of a comedy for which the scriptwriters ought to be shot…repeatedly…in the arse…

“Ab Fab” was unexpectedly good after all these years…quite a few giggles in that…! Got mixed reviews by various critics…[nowt new there….fuck ‘em]…!

“Great Expectations”…very good rendition of Charlie Dickens work…well worth watching…

“Doctor Who”…last chance to see Amelia Pond…[darn it]…! Enjoyable gubbins…[to me anyhow]…!

“The Untold Tommy Cooper”…screened on Channel 4…very much an eye opener to this comic icon…[not that we really needed to know about the ‘bad stuff’ that inevitably shadows comedy genius]…

Here’s a film I’m greatly looking forward to in 2012…now that I know Ridley Scott was the director….!

Its all ‘Alien’ to me…

I suppose its customary to wish you all a happy new year...so indeed...HAPPY NEW YEAR...may it rock as good as Rammestein...!

The Man Who Fell To Earth..

2011-12-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

Tis the time of much joy for all those who love Christmas and I wish those lovers well…may your turkeys not be undercooked and family fallouts be few…

And to all those who alternatively find this time of year a ritualistic mind-numbing piece of crap then don’t worry dear folks…the hypocrisies and forced smiles will soon be over….

I had hoped to post a profound ‘message’ at this time but soon realized that words in my incapable hands turn to crap before my very eyes….[and if you don’t believe me then read on]…chuckle..!

Once upon a time…long long ago…in a distant land there was this bloke and he had some very radical ideas.

The bloke was called JC and he formed a band of musicians that roamed the countryside spreading ‘the message’ not dissimilar to the great rapper known as Grandmaster Flash…

JC and his band proved very popular amongst the masses who came to listen to his gigs in their multitudes…but before long the powers that be got really pissed off for JC was a good bloke and not at all into material possessions and shit like that. And so it came to be that the authorities fuckin hated JC because they were greedy power hungry bastards that didn’t want to listen to his music which contained such radical messages anymore....and so they killed him. Not very nice that.

Over the many years that followed various stories were made up by fools locked away from reality who didn’t even know the geezer and some even thought it a fine idea to spread the word that he was some sort of magician…like David Blaine or that twat Derren Brown. Some of the miraculous stories told were virgin on the ridiculous but that’s what the public seemed to want and so poor old JC’s music got re-mixed until the original JC recordings were twisted to suit a ‘different authority’….who were extremely happy to make a nice living out of the exploitations…

Now you may think that this is all made up….and you’d be right…[a bit like Christmas really]…!

Ps…if anyone is offended by these scribes then to quote the late great Bill Hicks…”Forgive me”….

So enough crap from me….here’s a nice festive tune for all carpenters and woodpeckers…..

Have a great birding New Year folks....!

pps...now this next tune relates to a man who really did fall to earth last Sunday...this man missed me by several hundred yards and 15 minutes as i birded my local patch on an airfield in east Leicestershire...[the poor soul came fatefully down in his plane having collided with another]...sympathies to his family and friends...

Freezin Planet Scandal

2011-12-13T03:03:00.000-08:00

Joe Public were enraged to learn that certain sequences in the BBC’s Freezin Planet series were faked.

Some were so fuckin shocked that they required hospitalisation and valium forced down their gullets in order to quell their indignant cries of utter disappointment over being mislead…

It transpires that the polar bears in The Freezin Planet were in fact a loada fat blokes roaming around in white furry suits on a big block of ice filmed at a secret location in Ealing…

John Witlessfool, a spokesman for complete cunts, said in a statement to the commons…”I should like to wag a disapproving finger at the BBC on behalf of supposedly outraged viewing voters like an attention seeking dogs penis”…

Sir David Whatzitmatterborough, the narrator of the Freezin Planet, said rather drunkenly....”Whatzit matter?…we’re all doomed anyway…we fuckin humans are a bastard plague…hic”…

A supporter of unnecessary outrage over something exceedingly trivial went on to say…”I won’t believe anything Sir David Whatzitmatterborough says ever again…oh the shock of it all…oh the horror…I need to lie down in a bath of ice cubes and wank off my inflatable penquin”…

Journalists should be congratulated for the many minutes it must have taken to find the concealed information about the ‘cover up’ on the BBC’s public website for the series…[aresoles]…!

So there we have it….more bollox splattered all over the media for no other reason than trying to discredit a marvellous natural history series….what a load of utter…”not very nice people”…[I bet you expected me to call ‘em cunts…which they are of course]…!

U canknot be serious peeps...!

2011-12-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Attached are photos of a Sandpiper that has caused much controversy amongst some birding folk recently…

Note the strangely banana-like down-curved beak that leads some experts to believe confirms the birds identity as an undoubted Fyffes Sandpiper…[Calidris Canuknot Pastabanana]…

In the second photo note how the tip of the beaky bit looks a tad thickish and perhaps even blob ended which is reminiscent of a Coxes Sandpiper….[Calidris Semiperverted Pippin]….

In the third photo the bird looks entirely different and just goes to show how different pix can change a birds appearance…[some say it even appears in this photograph to be a bit “wooden like”]…

Hybrids have yet to be seriously considered but, if pushed, I would hazard a flying guess that if a Fyffes and Coxs mated then it might conceivably produce some sort of fruit smoothie or even a bizarre addled tart…similar in fact to the ‘boring gob on legs’ who is known as Jordan…[the UK’s number one hybrid tart]…

I should point out tho that some are not entirely convinced that these photos represent anything more than just a dead stuffed Snipe and a wooden model with fruits stuck on the front end…and so believe this bird is yet another hoax…!

Believe what you will…[you may be right]…and may your birding gods go with you…!

Yours Sincerely…Nun-the wiser….

Film Night....

2011-12-03T13:29:00.000-08:00

Film critics…don’t you just love ‘em…?

Well I certainly don’t love, nor indeed do I even like, Claudia Winkleman as the critic on the BBC’s Film 2011…!

I used to look forward to the observations of Barry Norman and Jonathon Ross on Film Night who, on the whole, did an intelligent job and gave good guidance by their critique…

But Claudia…??!! For fucks sake…I watched Film 2011 the other night for a review of The Big Year and she hadn’t even seen the fuckin film…and it was left to Danny Leigh to do all the chatter…[which maybe on reflection was a good thing]…!

All Claudia did was to adopt a blank expression under her eyelashes that seemed to be wilting towards her nether regions due to the force of gravity acting upon her ridiculously thick mascara…

If the BBC wants over emotional critics doing film reviews then why not go the whole hog and just have them spouting incoherent nonsense on a settee smoking dope and whacking back copious amounts of wine?…at least that might be funny…!

‘The Big Year’, it has to be said, has hardly been a commercial success thus far…and I don’t suppose it ever will be because its not really meant to be a classically ‘funny’ film…more a depiction of human obsession, as stated by Danny Leigh co presenter of Film 2011.

With Owen Wilson, Steve martin and Jack Black starring one might have expected a slapstick of tripod legs and telescopes disappearing up various arses in the pursuit of birds and cheap laughs…and undoubtedly with the lack of telescopes getting stuck up birders arses the general public will be most disappointed…but are ‘actual birders’ disappointed…?

Myself and fellow Leicestershire birders went for a look see at a cinema in Leicester City centre on Friday night….and I was prepared to be ‘mildly amused’….

This film in all honesty slips a tad lamely between what the general viewing public might have expected with such a star cast and true birders who would have hoped for something a bit grittier…

The director, in my opinion, did not succeed in satisfying either group and I do have to question whether using such comedic talents as Steve Martin was actually the best of ideas…

Jack Black played the most endearing character in my eyes whilst Owen Wilson, like Martin, did their best with a script bereft of many true funnier moments…[in fact the ‘funnier moments’ would only be amusing to true birders and would fly way above Joe publics heads]…

Now I know that birders were afraid of how such a film about obsessive birding might portray them as twatty nerds…but seriously, I think that with such actors at their disposal they should have gone down the strictly ‘just for laughs’ route…either that or made the film more intense by perhaps using relatively unknown actors. Jim Parsons, who I’m a big fan of thru the ‘Big Bang’ sitcom, was wasted really as he only appeared on a couple of occasions….bummer…!

But overall I enjoyed the Big Year….yes it could have been a lot better…but it might have been a lot worse…and I think it will ‘play’ a lot better on DVD rather than the big screen…

I joked after the event down a boozer that I would have preferred Martin Scorsese directing….now that would have been something else…[chuckle]…!

Okay…crappy and fairly useless film review over…so any birds about…? As November has disappeared along with any real hopes of a last minute ‘stunner’ all we seem to have left are various American waders…[one of debateable identity]…plus other odd bits…which might have included a Lesser golden Plover reported today in Leicestershire by person unknown. Thus far the reported Lesser GP is viewed suspiciously by many as potentially shitting bollox. Our afternoon was compensated tho by virtue of three superb Short eared Owls floating around at the site..[floating in the air..and not in some watery ditch]…..

Okay...crappy and fairly useless November bird round up over also...here’s a funky little ditty from those Gorilla boyz for anyone who can be arsed….

November has come…and gone away…..! No surprises there then...

Interview with a hoaxer....

2011-11-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

No...i haven't interviewed a hoaxer...and this is pure fiction...

“Mr.X…it is said that you are a serial hoaxer who habitually uploads fake photos of rare birds onto the internet in order to deceive UK twitchers..is that correct”?

“No”

“You’re not a hoaxer”?

“No…I’m not…I’m just a simple honest misunderstood bloke who has an awesome ability to find rare birds all the time”

“So you deny all attempts of photographic birding fraud then”?

“Yes…of course I do….why should I want to deceive birders”?

“I don’t know, perhaps you just get bored and derive some sort of perverted pleasure out of claiming non-existent rare birds”?

“But these birds do exist and its hardly my fault that I’m such a lucky and talented bird spotter is it”?

“Hmmm….you seem to be a very lucky spotter indeed Mr.X as to date you’ve managed to spot and photograph Rock Bunting, Short toed Eagle, Eye Browed Thrush, Stellers Eider and various nearctic exotics all within 50 miles of your house”

“Like I said...I am very lucky…and talented…unlike these birders who are just jealous and go around accusing me of being a fraudulent twat”

“But if these rare birds truly existed beyond your warped imagination then why don’t these other birders ever see them…is it because they’re just unlucky in your opinion”?

“Yes…they are unlucky….and obviously embittered because they’re not as good as I am at spotting”!

“Mr.X…I have to tell you that before conducting this interview I secretly examined your computer and found many dubious files containing all manner of concocted photos spliced up in photoshop, such as this one I’ve printed out of an Arabian Bustard taken, apparently, at Salthouse only yesterday”

“That’s not my photo”

“It isn’t”?

“No”

“What about this photo then…depicting an Asiatic Dowitcher sitting in a bird bath with a loofah in its bill…supposedly taken in Norfolk only last week”?

“That’s not mine either”

“But Mr.X….these photos were taken off your own personal computer”

“That’s what you claim…for all I know you could be a hoaxing me”

“Mr.X…you do realize that many folk within the birding community think that you’re just a compulsive liar with a couple of screws loose”

“That’s not very nice is it”?

“No Mr.X….thats not very nice…in fact its rather bad”

“But I’m not a bad person….I sincerely love my birds and photography….and my mum”

“Mr.X….no-one is doubting that you love your mum”

“I should hope not….I love my mum so much that I recently had her stuffed and put in the attic”

“You did what”?

“I said I stuffed my mum, like one might a chicken…and put her in the attic”

“Mr.X…be honest now…you do not have a stuffed mum in the attic”

“Well no, she’s not in the attic now, I moved her into the garden and hung her out on the washing line in order to attract a rare scavenging eagle which, I have to say, was a complete success”!

“So you’re claiming to have lured in a rare eagle now are you Mr.X”?

“Yes….do you want to see my willy”?

“Your willy”?!!

“Yes…Willy…that’s the name I gave to the eagle I lured in and then stuffed”

“Mr.X…I simply do not believe that you are being serious”

“Oh yes I am…Willy was a genuine vagrant Bald Eagle that I presume arrived in the UK because of its unfortunate disability of being cross-eyed. It noticed my mum on the washing line and swooped down, missing my mum by inches because of his cross eyes, and then flew in through my bedroom window…but rather sadly died upon impact with a good friend of mine…Elvis Presley”

“Elvis Presley is dead Mr.X”

“I know he is…my Willy hit the back of his head and fatally impaled his skull with his huge beak and in the process dislodged his wig”

“Mr.X…you really need some help”

“Will you help me”?

“No”

“You’re just jealous because you’re a crap birder with no skills”

“I have to go now Mr.X”

“But don’t you want to look at my Willy before you go”?

“No”

“I was abducted by giant alien hamsters as a child and forced to perform deviant sexual tricks in a large rotating wheel with flashing lights you know…I have the photographs to prove it”

“Get some help Mr.X”

“Can I tweet you”?

“Please don’t”

ps...Apologies for the text in this crap going awry.....fuckin computers.....you can't trust 'em...[chuckle]...

Fucksacs are a piece of piss...

2011-11-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

As the forecasted north easterly winds failed to blow over the weekend my last posts serious prediction of what I’d see ‘in reality’ on Saturday came miraculously true…and I saw fuck all…[well okay...i did see a Brambling…but that’s relatively fuck all]…

In fact Saturday was a crap day all round in Leicestershire with the weather turning out to be, as BBC's Carol Kirkwood might describe it, as “shitting drizzly wank”…

On such a crappy day it would have been great if I could have gone down my local museum and done a bit of ID research on some species that I wanted to do. But it was not to be because, as is common these days, local council cutbacks have necessitated the sacking of many full time natural science curators…[very sad]...

Yes….things could be described as being rather economically ‘tight’ at the moment..[unless you’re an overpaid and under-performing fuckin buffoon of a banker or footballer]…and it is with this in mind that conveniently leads me into the main topic of this blog post…so please do read on…[if you can be bothered]…

In these financially hard times it is naturally up to the individual to decide upon how he or she should spend their inevitably shrinking amounts of disposable dosh…

Some things we don’t really wanna compromise on…..a decent pair o bins and telescope….etc…but what about those little extra’s…like a scope n tripod carrier for twatting around birding in the field..?

Well, the ones on the birding market are all well and good if you’ve got a bit of cash to splash…but…why bother paying out when all they are in reality are just glorified ruckin fucksacks……?

Of late I was thinking of purchasing one o them scopey-paccy muley things…until I saw the price and thought…”I could make one o them…piece o piss”…!

Unnecessary Vulgar Digression:

In fact, should you want to, you could actually create a ‘piece of piss’.
Simply take the piss out of yourself by urinating into a small container and then whack it in the freezer for several hours and hey presto there you have it…a piece of piss.!
Should you think that you might require several pieces of piss then take the single frozen piece of piss out of the freezer and bang it forcibly with a hammer or your head on a hard surface…and there you have it…[yet again]…a multitude of piss pieces…enough to share with all you’re weird friends….

Back to main subject of saving dough:

So if you are hard up and trying to make savings and don’t really wanna spend £60 on a ‘strap a donkey to your back-pack thing’…then just purchase an ordinary small rucksack…[all of a quid from a charity shop]…and convert it…not a problem…[ie…’a piece of piss’]….

In fact…with the rucksack I used I didn’t have to do naff all in the way of conversion as it already had all of the necessary clicky attachment thingy’s…[see attached photos of clicky attachment belty buckle thingy’s….and a piece of piss]….chuckle..!

I may start a whole range of do it yourself ‘Blue Peter’ type’ birding products starting with my all new…

Birding False Arms…! These realistic ‘false arms’ will be lovingly hand-crafted out of a hardened flesh coloured waterproof sponge that will allow the user to hold his binoculars up to his eyeballs whilst his ‘real’ arms do something far more useful….[like eating a bacon sandwich or furiously tossing his bollox off over some pornographic rare bird]……

Ps…I field tested my latest tight-fisted scope n tripod carrying device yesterday…and it worked fine…

Pps…all I need to do now is to knit meself a Swarovski telescope case to save some more money….[£160 fuckin quid for a Swaro case]!!!!…I’m sure I could make one o them…’piece o piss’…as appose to Mr Swaro who seems to be taking the fuckin piss with that bastard price…

First vid I like…Gary Entropy...who has done his own little money saving fucksac conversion…

Here's some cutting edge early British poprock...[chuckle]...Freddie n the Dreamers...[fuck a duck...what were these guys 'on']...?

And just to shake off that last twee track a bit...[and because i felt like it]....here's the Editors....[don't be bled dry]....

Last gasp.....

2011-11-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

So..we are into the last dregs of autumn migration with north easterlies hitting over the weekend in the UK…so time for one last biggie…?

November has produced the odd shocker or two in the past so with any luck there may be a bit of action…if only a few more Pallas’s Warblers for me to have a go at..

We tried last Saturday in north Norfolk for Pallas’s and came up with jack shit…[not strictly true…we did have Yellow browed n Cettis Warblers and a few other bits including Bittern..which are always good to see]…but no sort of real icing on a somewhat average birding cake…ho hum..!

Talking ‘warblers’…[as I often do]….i don’t envy the folk trying to find that Eastern Crowned Warbler in Herts…that fuckin yellow browed at Titchwell lead us a merry dance being a complete and utter bastard to locate with so many leaves still on the trees…

Still..one can but try…!

Forecast for my weekend:

On Saturday we decided to hit Norfolk again as a few Pallas’s Warblers were about…twas great…we saw shit loads!

Just after we’d seen shit loads, a message came thru on the pager…Rubythroat at Stiffkey…great…!! So we saw that, which was very nice…and whilst we were there a birder wandered up and said he’d got a funny bunting which we eventually located grotting around on the deck amongst some old beer cans…and well…you won’t believe this…it was only a Pallas’s Reed Bunting…!!

Alongside the Pallas’s we noticed yet another ‘funny’ bunting which turned out, incredibly, to be a Yellow browed!! How strange is that..?

Bonkers eh?…and alongside the Yellow browed, even more incredible than the incredulity that went before, was a Chesnut eared Bunting…."bunting hell" I thought….this really is quite remarkable…almost unbelievable in fact…!!

We seemed to be doing extraordinarily fuckin well….far better than last weekend…!!!

As we had plenty of time….[having scored all these mega’s within an hour]…we decided to venture further east along the coast to Sheringham to look for a recently reported Thick billed Warbler. We saw that, which was very nice…and then by chance, out the corner of my third eye, i noticed a small bird twatting about on some nearby fence posts ....fuck a duck [if you really must]…it was only a Rufous tailed Robin…!!!..WOWww…you don’t see many o them do you..?!! [You don’t in fuckin Leicestershire anyway]…

Now after all these amazing birds I decided that I really must put me feet up and so, after reclining the passenger car seat down, i looked inevitably skywards and noticed a ‘funny’ falcon through the windscreen….blimey….an Eleanora’s…”!!! Very nice, if somewhat funny, I thought…you don’t see many o them in the UK…[not real ones anyway]!

At the end of this extremely nice day we had clocked up 82 new species…[which brought my personal Dodo2000 list upto ten gazillion]…and included marvellous birds such as Amur Falcon…Siberian Blue Robin…White winged Lark…oh…and not forgetting a Tufted Puffin off Hunstanton whilst we scoffed fish n chips on the cliff tops…[which was very nice]…and even nicerer than that, wheeling around said cliff tops, was a Red Billed Tropicbird being chased by a Magnificent Frigatebird…how nice was that…?…[guess]…!

Then of course…IN REALITY….i woke up Saturday morning....went out birding locally…and saw the usual billy fuck bastard all…!!!

The End….[or is it]….? Yeah…it is…..[I can’t be arsed to write anymore drivvle…not for now anyway]….

Have a nice weekend…[seriously do]…!

Rubythroats n local stuff....

2011-10-21T06:07:00.000-07:00

Lusting UK based twitchers are, as I write, drooling over the porno bird of the moment that is, of course, the Shetland Siberian Rubythroat…

More enticing than a scantily clad Thai hooker cavorting in a neon lit window with a tube of vaseline…this sexy bird, in flashing its chest over the internet, has seduced many birders to make the long journey up north…and good luck to them!

You have to admire the folk who are taking the gamble tho…especially those souls with less money and taking the ferry to keep costs down…and I hope it pays off for them..!

I for one, however, will not be going…and for the obvious reasons….time and especially…COST…!!

Don’t get me wrong…I’d love to see a Rubythroat in the UK…and one day there will, in all probability, be a mainland bird which will cost relatively fuck all to see…[if we are lucky]…! I remember only too well dipping on ‘that’ Dorset bird many years ago…and I was interested..[nay..”amused”]…to read on BF about its suspected origins…but I know fuck all ‘inside information’ about that…all I know is that we didn’t see the little bastard…!

Being honest…[and I try to be]….even tho I’ve seen Sibthroat outside the UK…looking at the Shetland bird pix still gives me a shiver or two….such stunning things as they are….

But seriously….if you’ve seen this species outside the UK…then is it really worth it…really..? Up to the individual I guess…you may have a personal target ‘number-wise’ but chances are that most birders will never threaten the so called ‘big boys’…so what are you aiming for once you’ve seen over 500 species…?

I suppose that if you really wanted to ‘take over’ at the top of the listings…you could always
engage in the behaviour displayed by Dennis Price in the classic…..Kind Hearts and Coronets….[chuckle]…!

ps...good luck to all those driving all night to get to the Tanager...!

pps...pix of 'actual birds' in this post include yesterdays Azorean 'type' Gull...[i know Mr.Llamaman will be very interested in that...chuckle]!...and the White rumped Sand...also at Rutty water...[in one pic alongside Alpina race? Dunlin]....

Robin tales.....

2011-10-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

As we sat drinking tea outside a friends cottage at Rutland Water the conversation was suddenly interrupted by a Ronnie Barker Rare bird mega alert..[for those of you who are not aware of the Ronnie alert then see last post]…!

F F Fur Fur fur Fur fur Fur…FUCK….Rufous tailed Robin!!!……my jaw was on the floor!!…[which is not the best place to put yer jaw as ones mouth may get full of ants n shit]….

I looked again at the pager in disbelieve…it was true…a Rufous tail Robin and in Norfolk…"fuck a duck…shit the bed…and possibly heavens above"!!…this was really really BIG….!!!!

What an absolute dream of a find…!!

The time was 5.05 on the Friday afternoon when this pager message came through and hastily we checked the maps to see where East Hills was in Norfolk...[the stated site of this rarity]..

After locating said Hills on our mappy thing we quickly deduced that it was going to be a right pain in the arse to get to and that access would probably necessitate a boat…water wings…or at the very least a pair of swimming trunks and the constitution of David Walliams in order to get there…[FUCK n double FUCK]…!

Based in Leicester we were never going to make it that afternoon and so, like many others, we arrived in the early hours of Saturday morning, at the correct site, without any real hope of seeing the Robin…but hey…it was a day out and there were plenty of decent birds about so I wasn’t too bothered….

Here follows my brief account of that Saturday…but please note that my timings may be ‘a bit out’ owing to my watch acting up when I reached the Warham area for some inexplicable reason….[this I put down to a rift in the time continuum combined with the inhabitants of the UK’s tendencies to fuck about with their clocks at this time of year]…

And so….it soon became clear by about 9 o clock…[or may have been 10 o clock]…that the bird had done the expected overnight bunk…oh well shit happens…not to worry….etc

We spent our time watching the lines of birdy folk standing around in muddy fields worshipping the holy site of the now fucked off rare robin whilst quaffing coffee from the warmth of our vehicle and occasionally chatting with familiar faces on the twitching circuit.

By around 10 o clock…[or it might have been 9 o clock]…we decided to crack on with the day having given up any hope of the desired species. So off we went to look at a fine Yellow browed Warbler at Stiffkey quickly followed by a perverted Bluethroat that had paired up with a Stonechat and then later on in the morning…[I mean afternoon]….we were viewing an excellent Red Flanked Bluetail at Holme…

This Bluetail gave us all a bit of a run-around at first but eventually after a few hours…[or was it minutes]?…it gave itself up and provided us with some very decent views.

Bluetails are always a joy to see, not only for their beauty but also for the opportunity to woffle

on like rose tinted twats about the Winspit bird all those years ago…[aahhhh but how times have

changed]….time has a habit of that you know..or so it would seem….

At the end of a fine days birding i observed the aerial antics of a Peregrine hassling a Short eared Owl over the sea and in-between I admired the shifting sands…[not of time]…beneath my feet…

Later in the weekend..[Sunday night down the pub to be precise]…we looked back at Saturdays

lack of Rufous tailed Robin in Norfolk and pondered about the ‘ifs and buts’ and upon all the

stories that were told...

I will avoid the obvious ‘story’ that abounded that day for the sake of confidences and not wishing to dwell on ‘such stuff’…but I will say that one 'other thing' we wondered about was why someone had presumably gone out [at night]?..and put down mealworms on ‘that track’….?!

I’m sure that this was well intentioned…but surely the act of going down the track with

mealworms after a bird has roosted was a very risky thing to do…….[of course had the bird been

present on the Saturday and hopping about gorging itself like a feathery fat fucker on

the mealworms then we’d have all been very happy…but twas not to be]….

In time there will almost certainly be another Rufous tailed Robin for us all to see and enjoy….so

let us pray…

Ps...please forgive the typing set up on this post as it seems to have gone all to cocking cock..[a bit like me watch]...i don't know what the fucks going on with it...[being a moron n all]...chuckle...!

Pps….so what time do you have Mr.Bowie….? “9.25” you say…..eh?…..[that can’t be right..can it]?…well if you say so….

ppps...update....the mealworms did not interfere with the bird at night i have recently learned...[interfering with birds at night would have been an offense]...luckily that did not happen i am happy to say...!

Mega Autumn...?

2011-10-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

Written below is a purely personal point of view on recent birding and is not intended to fuck anyone off who may be having a great autumn…

This autumn has been SHITE…but there may be, at last, a glimmer of hope on the horizon in the isobaric shape of an easterly blow…[south east actually]…

This ‘hope’, in all probability, will be immediately stomped upon by BBC’s weather forecasters such as Carol Kirkwood who, wearing hobnail boots and an unnecessary smile, will no doubt announce that the winds will be going back to fuckin westerly again….[and will continue to blow westerly until mankind has long disintegrated into dust and is a blowing in the aforementioned annoying wind along with all the dreams of UK birders ‘hoping’ for a mega autumn]…

“How can you say that it’s been a shite autumn after the Sandhill Crane”…?

Yeah…the Crane was good…don’t get me wrong….I enjoyed it very much…but in my opinion things are still generally shite..!

“What about all the stuff on the Scillies then”…?

Nice enuff I suppose…but it’s still hardly the ‘mega’ autumn I’d seen predicted somewhere….but I guess it all depends on your personal definition of the word ‘mega’…[one mans ‘mega’ is another mans ‘pants’]…etc

I almost envy those birders who have never seen a Waterthrush and all the other American stuff that’s been about on the Scillies…especially that Wilson’s Snipe…!

Even though I’ve never seen a Wilson’s Snipe in the UK I am not, however, prepared to spend the time and cash just to hop over to the sacred isles just for that one bird…[I shall wait for a mainland bird…which will surely come one day]…he fuckin hopes…[lazy tart]..!

I was gonna look thru all the Common Snipe at Eye Brook reservoir for a Wilson’s Snipe…[except there ain’t even any Snipe]…

I was also gonna go through all the Ringed Plover at Eye Brook for a Semi Palmated Plover…[but they’re ain’t no Ringed Plovers left]…I think the local Peregrine has naffed or eaten them all off….

But there’s always time for the unexpected to happen in the birding world…and in all probability it will be something completely off the wall…. let’s hope so…!

Lets pray that soon the pagers will be doing a ‘Ronnie Barker’ mega alert….[the vid below will mean nothing if you don’t have a pager]…chuckle…

As for predictions of what rarity may come our way...[where's Rasputin when you need him]...?

This vid makes me smile...

If it makes you happy...

2011-10-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

There appears to be no stopping the recent outbreak of a plague that has descended upon the British birding community known as UTV’s…

This age old plague, otherwise known as Untickableview-flu, seems to mainly affect the tick hungry ‘don’t give a fuck’ birders and the older desperate and ‘really should know better’ UK birders. These birders are usually happy with any old shite view of a bird and it will be on their lists....as soon as someone else has identified the species for them….

This is not a new plague however and has infected birders in the past who, in desperation caused by competitive listing, were found a tad wanting in the conscience department…

Some of these wayward souls were eventually cured after being treated with repeated exposure to derision from birding colleagues combined with multiple bursts of hysterical laughter within the confines of a rehabilitation clinic for ‘cunts’ at Cley-next-the-sea…

Here are a few recent extracts from some infected birders notebooks:

Got fantastic but totally inadequate views of this crippling species viewed down to ten miles…I saw everything on it apart from any clinching plumage features…fuckin excellent..! On my list…!!

What a grippper!!!..I defo saw the bird that other folk were looking at, I think, tho they were a bit closer than me…maybe two miles closer? Anyway the bird is defo on my list….read below my very detailed description….

Description of rarity [which could have been one of several species]:

[Head]….yes..it defo had a head…I saw it well…perched on top of its fuckin neck. On my fuckin list..get on..!!!

[Legs] ..it defo had two legs..at least I think it did...? Who cares..? Its on my fuckin list anyway coz everyone else banged it on…!! In the back of the net….LOL…!

[Rest of body]…a bit blurry..which was great coz i could make up any old bollox ..! On my fuckin list…[like everything else I ain’t seen properly]…get in…!! LOL..!

[Jizz]…very distinctive…it moved around as would a Rhino if crossed with a one legged Dung Beetle…..nice..! On my bastard list…[what a surprise]…LOL…!!

[Flight]…very distinctive….up and down motions mainly…LOL…!!!

As you can see from those extracts the UTV’s are a very serious threat to British birding…a threat that if left unchecked will plummet birding to its lowest depths ever within the UK…[perhaps the lowest its been for weeks]…chuckle!

So be vigilant and keep a close eye on your birding friends who you suspect may be showing signs of this plague…and if they do show signs of ‘iffy-ness’ then have a quiet word with them…like…

“Are you sure”? And if they say “Yes”…[and you know that they’re talking bullshit because you were alongside them]…then follow up by saying…”Don’t be such a desperate daft deluded cunt”….and then hit them over the head with a large piece of wood until they beg for mercy…

Not everyone will share these views naturally enough…but surely the enjoyment of seeing a bird is actually clinching an ID for yourself..? Maybe not to some…fair enough…its only birding after all….[but not as I know it Jim]….

Ps…I know that I have actually seen two of my most wanted birds in the world but I do not count them as such…the two species in question, seen unsatisfactorily, being Malaysian Rail Babbler and Agami Heron….[one day maybe…but not in the UK]…now that would be ‘iffy’…!

For a change here's some excellent bird vids...[these species do qualify as 'pornographic']...

I know I've posted this music vid before...but it seems appropriate....[What..? another leggy bird]...?!

And lastly coz i feel like it.....

Looooong legs...

2011-10-01T02:18:00.000-07:00

So what do you do when you’re driving for a supposedly ‘good’ bird and whilst en route you find yourself under an avalanche of confusing reports about the ID of the said bird…?

Well…we decided to plough on and have a look at this stint anyway as we were already well under way and now less than 20 miles away…

So okay…it turned out that it wasn’t a Long toed Stint….but I’m glad I saw it for two reason’s..

First reason being, as its been such a crap wader passage in Leicestershire recently, I had yet to see a flippin Little Stint this autumn..!!

Second reason….it was an interesting leggy bird….[and no sexist comments from your filthy minds about ‘leggy birds’ please….unless its about Doctor Who’s most recent ‘companion’ Amelia Pond]…

Anyway….where was i…?

Oh yeah…[momentarily fantasizing]…no…I was yakking about stinty things…

Re this ‘Stint’….I could go on about how folk perceive colours differently…or the effect distance has when viewing a bird…[have you ever noticed how much smaller a bird gets the further it is away from you?...and then it looks a lot bigger when seen closer]…? Peter Grant did an article about that a long time ago…[chuckle]…

Then of course there’s lighting effects…sun stroke on the brain…influences from other birders…etc etc…

I attach below a vid which has 'that' leggy bird in it…..[with excellent song]...in my opinion..

Today is the last day of the ‘Doctor’…oh really…?

Ps..yes…I am a Doctor Who fan…[being a juvenile twat]….

A short post....

2011-09-29T05:06:00.000-07:00

One good thing came out of the recent episode concerning a report of a Short toed Eagle....it reminded me of this track...

"Hey Joe...where you goin with that camera in your hand"...?

And if you don't like Hendrix..then tuff....!

Oop North.....!

2011-09-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

Deja vu struck our weary heads on Friday night as once again we found ourselves at the Holiday Inn Express in Aberdeen supping lager after the long journey north from Leicestershire.

Not so long ago we’d used this same establishment as our overnight base whilst dipping the fuckin White winged Scoter…[shit happens]…etc

Now you may think that staying in a Holiday Inn is a bit of an expensive ‘wussy’ thing to do…after all…it’s hardly ‘hard-core’ is it…? Well no…but you’d have to a complete fuckin prat to turn yer nose up at a shower and bed for the night and an all you can eat breakfast for £20 each…!

It got me thinking about all the places i've dossed in over the years whilst on the road for feathery things...

Any birder of a certain age will surely have slept in a variety of locations…so here’s some of mine that came to mind and I list them here for no other reason than that I can.…

In a church…

Public toilets…

Under an upturned boat…

A scout hut…

Various bus shelters…

In a brothel...

On a merry-go-round behind canvas at a fairground…

On a complete strangers floor in the middle of nowhere…

Back of a van…in a ditch....blah blah and so on ad infinitum…

And I’m sure that there are many more locations if I could be arsed to think about it a bit longer…which I can’t…!

On Saturday morning as I chatted to a couple of ‘old faces’ at Strathbeg RSPB reserve I got the impression, perhaps wrongly, that Dave Hursthouse may have looked upon us as ‘southern softies’ as they’d driven right through the night for the Sandhill Crane…[chuckle]….

You do what you gotta do of course…but fuck that..!

I have the greatest admiration for Dave’s driver…a nice bloke known as ‘Mr.Pastry’ according to another birding face I bumped into on site….the ‘pie-man’ aka Mark Reeder. Even tho we old duffers are ‘getting on a bit’ its good to see that enthusiasm for the birds has not waned….

As an aside….what is it with all these food related birdy bloke names..? Is there a ‘Mr.Sphaghetti head’ or a ‘Chocolate Willy’ on the birding circuit..? Fuck knows….[there may even be a ‘Mr.Fuck-nose’ out there somewhere for all i know]….!

But onto the day itself…"How was the Sandhill Crane"..? Bloody marvelous..!!

We were greeted yesterday morning by the very friendly and accommodating RSPB folk and beckoned into a viewing area where we watched the bird stalk about on the marsh until, after ten minutes, it took off and mingled with a thousand wings of geese flapping about.

A cool wind blew in the early morning as the sun broke through and the bird was eventually relocated not far from the ‘Tufted Duck’ hotel/pub. Here it showed off superbly as it strutted its stuff amongst the hay bales curlews and gulls….showing off its dipped in blood forehead and fine plumes…etc.

I suppose this species may now be regarded as a ‘tarts-tick’…[but I am a tart, so frankly my dear...i don't give a dam]. Having not made the journey to Orkney for the last bird I am more than happy to see this one….

By ten o clock we had to leave the Crane for a very important engagement…an engagement with what I call a ‘fuck-off breakfast’ consisting of cereal, sausage, bacon, egg..fried or scrambled, hash browns, mushrooms n tomatoes…and as much coffee and toast with marmalade as its humanly possible to consume…!

The Holiday Inn served brekky until eleven o clock and we sure as hell weren’t gonna miss that…southern softies or not….!

First vid up is of a little tune to keep the likes of Mr.Pastry awake whilst driving for rarity's...[and you may note the 'looney tune' fade into the song mid way thru...if you can be arsed to listen...quite apt i thought...as most birders are indeed....lunatics]...!

Here's the real Mr.Pastry....[chuckle]....who, i never knew, was offered the role of Doctor Who a long time ago....

Here's how most birders arrive on site for a good bird....[fabulous track]....!

Origins....

2011-09-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

As the silly season of rarity hunting is well underway in the UK I thought I may as well write a bit of bollox from the early days of birding…and in particular how ‘it’ all began for me…[not that you could really give a rats arse]…

The internet is to blame for taking my memory down a well worn leafy lane festooned with birding gems from the past….what with all the birdy bloggy forums and various opinions…etc

For the most part i imagine this post will be fucking boring to many of you readers….and to be honest, lets face it, you’ve probably heard this sort of dewy-eyed bollox a million times before.....

Anyway…me starting twitching…..[yawn]....'it' was all Dave Holman’s fault….

“Why”?

Well I’ll tell you….

World of Birds..volume 1. No.8…a newly born magazine devoted to birds spawned in the seventies.

The title of Dave’s piece was entitled ‘Tick Hunting 1971’.

I must have read that article as many times as I had John Gooder’s Where to Watch Birds book..and in particular the section on Cley Marshes….

Oh how I drooled like a gibbering fool….sucked, as I was, into the murky world of obsessive birding and birders…and how I loved every minute of it…!

Until that Holman article I was quite content as a teenager to just local patch and go on the occasional trips to such beautiful locations as Wisbech Sewage Farm…[now long sadly defunct]…and how I loved the shit smell at that birding hotspot…[I didn’t really, but it was very evocative of the superb waders to be found at this location each autumn]….

Reading that Tick Hunting article in the World of Birds filled me with envy and in it Dave mentioned twitching my local reservoir…the Eye Brook…where a certain Squacco Heron was to be found in 1971…[I didn’t see Dave there on that occasion but over the years…and especially over the phone….we became well acquainted].

Birders lived by the phone…hard to imagine now i know…but that is how it was back then...and to a certain extent birding was all the better for it as it was of a more intimate nature....[actually 'talking' to people]...

“Yeah..but I bet you missed loads of good birds with just using the phone and smoke signals you daft backward looking cunt”…

Of course we did…[chuckle]…but on the plus side we, in the main, knew who we were dealing with….everyone knew everyone….etc

Ps…the attached photo’s include the EBR Squacco….my first twitched rare bird…a juvenile Sharp Tailed sandpiper at Shotton Cheshire...[and my first Buff breasted Sandpiper that was nearby]…and just a fraction of my long list of old phone numbers....which used to be rang every five minutes each autumn…!!

Right…enuff of all this nostalgic shit….here’s some music….

[What am i fuckin saying....??!....these tracks are nostalgic]...!

Enter Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars...

Just lately the tune below has been goin round in me head...owing to it being used to advertise some shit on the TV....[a very cool song....if you like this sorta thing]...no rules..

Dog day afternoon....

2011-09-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

Of late the birding has been pretty crap…for despite much searching we have come up with fuck all. Wader passage has been dire and the strong westerly winds have blown relatively naff all over local reservoirs…so it was with this boredom in mind that we decided to go to Grafham Water yesterday.

As we travelled south the news was that the Sabine’s gull was still present but there had been no report of the two Grey Phalaropes…[oh well]…

Walking around the reservoir towards Church Hill bay we bumped into an old birding acquaintance, Kerry Harrison, who informed us that the Sabine’s was feeding on the shoreline at point blank range. Great…!!

So already we were mentally feasting on the bird as we turned the corner and gazed upon the wondrous sight…..of a birder who’d let loose his dog which was running along the shoreline…”what the fuck **********************”!!!!

I was not best pleased….to put it mildly…but I curtailed my rage as we relocated the bird out on the water….and fortunately after a while it came back in again to feed on the shore…[phew].!

Now me and certain dog-walkers don’t mix very well…some dog-walkers are very nice and considerate…but some are just plain ignorant cunts…[and I feel sorry for their dogs]…

But to concentrate on the positive aspects of the late afternoon….

After watching this delightful Nearctic gull feeding at close range for about twenty minutes it decided to cruise around the bay and flop on the water amongst the fishing boats…and as it happened..it flopped down very close to a Grey Phalarope…excellent..!

ps....as I write this I am still hoping that the reported Sandhill Crane will reappear in the UK….[yeah…right]…! You never know tho…

As this is a quick blog post..[and as i want to get out into the field again]...i've no time to sort out an appropriate vid....[tho i was in fiesty mood over that dog walker]...chuckle...!

Blow job.....

2011-09-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

A very kind call from the Llama-man alerted us to the presence of a Manxie at Eye Brook Reservoir late this afternoon and so, as we were only five minutes away, we swung the car around and blasted off…

Now I had expected to find the bird flappin about in the middle of the res…but no…there it was pretending to be a Tufted Duck stuck in the weed only 20ft offshore….

As I write I guess the bird is still there, unless it made some sort of miraculous recovery, as it looked totally fucked…[buggered…shagged….ie not very well]….

Unless some kind soul with waders has gone out with a net I doubt very much whether it will be there in the morning…[unless its upside down]…poor blighter…!

*Postscript: 9/9/11.....Sadly the bird has been found dead this morning...no real surprise coz it was fucked...[i don't know if it was found upside down however]. There have been thoughts that this bird may have been got caught up in weed or fishing line...both possible of course..tho we did not observe any struggle...ie flapping about...to indicate this. My guess is that it arrived, obviously in an exhausted..[fucked]...state...and then just gently drifted into the bay to expire...
If the corpse is extracted from the water today it will be interesting to see if it was indeed entangled in some way...but either way up...tis very sad...but is the fate of many disorientated sea birds....

*Update 10/9/11...an autopsy has now been completed on the deceased manxie and results indicate that it's untimely death was caused by it being "completely bolloxed". No fishing line or weed entanglement was found around its legs....and also...[not that you need to know this]...no eyes were left in its head either. Observers and photographs indicate that the bird had arrived at Eye brook 'with eyes'...so blindness was not the cause of the birds initial dislocation...

That’s nature for you……the winds can knock you sideways...[forgive the lame intro into this vid]...!

The Big Year Theory....

2011-09-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

There has been much yada yada..[talk]…about the forthcoming film ‘The Big Year’ starring Jack Black, Steve Martin and Owen Wilson…

So here’s some more…!

Divided opinions are already rife on the tinternet about how good, or not, this film may or may not be…based almost entirely on a recently released clip which can be viewed on other birding blogs…[so I won’t bother attaching link here]…

Naturally you can never please everyone….one mans ‘sugar’ is another mans ‘shit’…etc…and obviously it is all down to an individuals taste…[or lack thereof]…!

Yes…Steve Martin hasn’t done a decent comedy for a long time…[but he is a class act given the right material]...

Yes…Jack Black can be a bit ‘over the top’ for some folks taste…[but I quite like the guy]…

Yes….some folks haven’t even heard of Owen Wilson..[ha]…but he was superb in Zoolander alongside Ben Stiller…

But the guy who interests me the most who will appear in The Big Year is Jim Parsons. He plays the character Crane who is the author of an avian birding blog…[and don’t say “Who the fuck is Jim Parsons”]..??!!

If you've never heard of Jim…[he’s not life as we know it]…Parsons...who plays Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory....then I piggin give up…[I don’t really]…

As you may know, the director of this film David Frankel directed ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ which, in my opinion, has been his best film to date…[tho it has to be said that he has directed some shit too]…

Ultimately it will depend on how ‘sensitive and interpretive’ the screenwriter has been and in this case the job fell to Howard Franklin….[and I sincerely hope that he has done the subject matter some justice]….!

This will be Jim Parsons film debut and for his sake i pray that it will not prove to be a dog...or a turkey...or whatever animal you'd like to be associated with 'naff-ness'.......

As followers of The Big Bang Theory will know..Sheldon Cooper is a huge Spock fan...[and so am i come to think of it]....so this is an ideal opportunity to show this clip again...[please note..if you are easily offended by rude noises then don't watch this vid]....!

This vid is called 'birds'...but it's a 'dog' of a vid...[which i quite like]...!

Let’s just hope that the film isn’t complete n utter shite….[expect the worst and hope for the best]….!

Hobbies and Phalaropes and Penguins...

2011-09-06T05:32:00.000-07:00

Just as a follow up to the last post I thought I might bang up a couple of ‘good’ pics of my local Hobbies…[photographed by me mate]….

Very soon now these fantastic falcons will be gone…migrating as they do…to the bottom of reservoirs and ponds where they will feed throughout the winter on hibernating Swallows…swimming around like penguins with their little flipper wings until the Springtime when they will rise majestically from the waters like mighty humpback whales, shake off accumulated weed and discarded condoms before taking to the skies once more….

But until they migrate…[some say they fly South for the Winter]…I shall delight as often as possible in this birds company….

Apart from Hobbies…a recent birding ‘high spot’ was a superb fresh juvvy Red necked Phalarope that twatted around all over lagoon4 at Rutty Water…always great birds to watch…[see attached photo of the Phalarope that twatted around]…

Hobbies n Dinosaurs....

2011-09-04T02:19:00.000-07:00

Ever get the feeling that you’re searching for something that ain’t there…?

Well…that’s how I’ve felt this year in trying to locate breeding Hobbies in Leicestershire…and I had come to the disappointing conclusion that locally this season was a washout…

How the fuck this species manages to elude detection is astonishing as one can search the same areas again and again and see nothing…which I have done all of this bummer of a Summer…

You would think that at least you’d get the odd sniff of a bird…a brief sighting now and then…but no….these delightful little falcons…[or ‘bastards’ as I sometimes call them]… keep such an incredibly low profile as to be practically invisible…

Yesterday, whilst sitting in a stubble field watching ploughs till the earth and buzzard swarms over copse, a single hobby suddenly flew into view…

‘Wow’…..and then a second bird…'double wow…..and before long I was watching a food pass as the adults and youngsters rose in an excited cacophony of contact calls….bloody marvelous stuff...!

[See my incredible photo of the two adults]....chuckle...!

Ferocious protectors of their offspring they attacked passing kites, buzzards and corvids whilst continually alarming….a sound that always increases my adrenalin and warms the heart….

Being in the company of these birds has always been rather special to me…and as the female bird flew overhead and gazed down I could swear that I heard her say...“Where the fuck have you been”…? [But she didn't say that, of course, because in reality Hobbies don't speak English]...

Ps…as it’s raining this Sunday morning…and hence this blog post…thought I’d just spout a bit of extra bollox….

Rare Bird News: there ain’t none…apart from a brave claim of ‘yelki’ Shearwater the other day…

Forthcoming TV events: Planet Dinosaur…..the BBC’s new series where the CGI department lets loose again with all manner of beasties….

Click vid below for exclusive extract….

And now for the almost compulsory...but totally unnecessary...music vids....

Needless to say...if you don't like the Cure...then don't bother clicking...

I see this guys on tour again....[another dinosaur]....? Top bloke in my opinion...

T-annoying....

2011-08-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Ahhh…the familiar rising odour of steaming damp grass filled the nostrils once again within the marquee’s of the Rutty Water Fair….and once again our ears were filled with those endless ENDLESS, and many pointless…[to me anyway]…tannoy blatherings…

“FOOD IS BEING SERVED IN THE FOOD TENT…” [you don’t fuckin say?…I wouldn’t have thought of looking in there]…

“BACON OR SAUSAGE SANDWICHES ARE PRICED AT £3.70 TODAY…BUT TOMORROW THERE WILL BE AN INEXPLICABLE PRICE RISE UP TO £3.90 FOR THE SAME SHIT”…

Don’t get me wrong…tannoy announcements are necessary…especially when some twats locked their little doggy in the car and left it to fry in the midday heat…

“WILL THE OWNER OF A BLUE FORD MONDEO PLEASE RETURN TO HIS VEHICLE IN THE GREEN CAR PARK BECAUSE HIS SHIT MACHINE HAS JUST BURST INTO FLAMES AND SOME OVER-SENSITIVE PASSERS BY ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SMELL AND QUITE A FEW ARE ACTUALLY FAINTING”

….or when some guy…[on day three]…lost his kids and then seemingly refused to pick them up in the ‘lost kiddy tent’ or wherever it was…[I don’t know how he could have been out of earshot of the tannoy messages as I’m sure that even the moon based Clangers would have heard this PA system….so FUCKIN LOUD was it….

Perhaps the most annoying tannoy messages were the all too frequent ones about what Simon fuc-king King was doing next…..

“ SIMON KING IS NOW IN AQUA LOO 2 BY THE ICE CREAM VAN AND WILL BE SIGNING TOILET ROLLS FOR ALL HIS FAWNING FANS AND STALKERS”…blah and blah

“AND FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT CAN’T FIND AQUA LOO 2 MR.KING WILL LATER BE TAKING A DUMP IN THE MESSY EVENTS MARQUEE AND WILL BE SIGNING HIS OWN SHIT”….blah blah….

As you may be able to tell…[chuckle]..these announcements got on me chuffing wick…mainly because inside the marquees they were far too loud..[certainly within the art tent]…and kept continually interrupting conversations…[they REALLY were VERY annoying…not just for exhibitors but for the general public also]…I know…I attempted to converse with them…!

“EAR PLUGS ARE ON SALE IN THE HEARING AID TENT IF ALL THESE ANNOUNCEMENTS ARE GETTING ON YER BASTARD TITS”…

[Please shut the fuck up]….

“SIMON KING WILL BE SELLING PRE-LICKED HEADACHE PILLS IN MARQUEE 13 FOR ALL THOSE NOW AFFLICTED WITH TANNOY-ITUS”…

Having rudely and so crudely ranted all that…[and apologies to those who are easily offended]…I did actually have a very nice time over the three days of the fair…catching up with birdy mates and having some chuckles and the odd hysterical guffaw or two….

One birder, who some of you might know, almost laughed himself into a prolapse at one point….[or so he said]…I think it was at the point, when seated round a plastic table supping beer, that he smeared ice cream round his chops and I took a photo and threatened to put it on a porn website……[a non-pornographic photo of him appears on this post]…

Happy days….and all for a good cause….

ps…I hope that zillions of quids have been raised for conservation…[and that some of that money might go towards getting a muffler for the tannoy system next year]…!

“WILL THE TROUBLE MAKING IDIOT IN THE ART MARQUEE PLEASE STOP WHINING ABOUT THESE MESSAGES AND JUST FUCK OFF PLEASE…OTHERWISE HIS RUTLAND WATER PERMIT WILL BE REVOKED…THANK YOU”….

I can't hear you.....

Fresh fish was also on sale at the Rutty Water fair...

Its been a riot....

2011-08-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Not so long ago John Lydon predicted more protests and riots on the streets of blighty…but I reckon that he’d be more than a little disappointed at the obscene destructiveness witnessed recently on the streets of the UK…

Which, of course, have absolutely nothing to do with anarchy…[and nothing to do with birding either]....its just pure greed and vicious lunacy carried out, in the main, by thugs with the collective mentality of a rabid pack of dogs….

As if folk aren’t facing enough fucking economical and social hardships without these thieving twats rearing their ugly heads…

Of course...most of these people are spawned in less than fortunate environs….and in all probability by long absent or ‘off the rails’ parents….not that that’s any real excuse…[but hey…how might any of us turn out had we been brought up in such an unprivileged world]…?

Poverty and disillusionment of the soul, for wants of a better word, seems to be the problem…with the inevitable outcome in many cases…

Heated discussions are now taking place as to ‘what to do’ about the situation…and not surprisingly no-one has any real answers. I have heard a few extreme remedies tho…along the lines of..."shoot the bastards"…"chop their bollox off so they can’t breed"…etc…[which understandably is the knee jerk reaction]….

I wonder why these looting hoons don’t look up to the respectable role models in our civilized society….? Say…politicians or bankers for instance….now you wouldn’t get any of these people being greedy and destroying peoples lives now would you…?

Personally I’d dart all of the above with tranquillizers and then later parade them naked through the streets covered in tar n feathers….[I don’t see much difference between certain bankers and thieving wankers really]…

Of course...we could get Robocop on the job….[or the Terminator]...chuckle..

Here's Johnny being disappointed....[one of me favourite PIL tracks]...

ps..please forgive the intrusive adverts should they pop up on Vevo...[pain in the arse that they are]...

Pies in the Birdfair skies....

2011-08-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

Not surprisingly birdy folk have very mixed feelings about the annual Birdfair at Rutland Water that is, once again, approaching rapidly.

Despite some negative views expressed about the event being mainly a trade-fair one must never forget, as if you would, that large amounts of money is raised for various conservation causes…[yes…I know I’m stating the bloody obvious]…

Yes…the commercialization can be a bit of a drag but that’s the nature of the game these days so accept it….if only reluctantly…! Stuff doesn’t pay for itself…[ho hum…even more of the outstandingly obvious]…

So even if you don’t like the continual assault by tour companies and general jerkoffs stuffing crap in your face that you don’t want…please do still come along as you can always enjoy a good moan with kindred spirits…and maybe have a laugh or two with old birding buddies…whatever…

Being strangely positive…[as one has to try and be]…what new ideas could the Birdfair come up with to raise more money..?

Well….i’ve got one that might prove popular amongst the folk that I know in the birding community.

How about shackling well known so called ‘celebrities’ in the stocks and pelting them with shit…?

Not real shit of course...rotten tomatoes would do…or even custard pies…[now that would be a fuckin chuckle]..!

So you don’t like ‘Bill birding Blogs’…? Get him in the stocks….pay for your custard pie, or whatever, and then smack him in the mush…[but don’t smack too hard…this is, remember…just for fun]…and would also raise a great deal of money I suspect.

I would certainly pay for the opportunity to pelt the likes of Simon King…Chris Packham…Johhny Kingdom…Kate Humble…[I’m fairly sure you could think of others]..!

All the fun of the fair…and all for good causes…[tho not likely to happen]…or is it…?

Anyways up...here's a video cream pie in yer face...absolute brilliance..........

And here's how the 'lads' looked a few years back...Baker Bruce n Clapton...with a song that i haven't been able to get out of me head since i heard it down the boozer the other night..

Ta ta for now....

Mind games....

2011-07-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

What is it with these nut jobs…?!!!
I don’t mean birders…I mean those cracked individuals who have succumbed to ‘pressures’ and evolved into death-wielding mothers of destruction…

The Norwegian fundamentalist right wing barker will soon illuminate us all as to the reasons behind his horrific rampage…[as if we don’t know]…he’s fucked in the fuckin head...

No doubt he will explain how he had a vision of Jesus dressed up as Hitler who told him to go forth and kill a load of innocent folks……[these 'psycho jobs' are known by experts in the field of psychology as 'deluded cunts']....
That always seems to be the way with these people..…their only form of expression is to destroy…as if that makes any difference whatsoever….[apart from causing more misery for the masses]…

But what has any of this got to do with birding..?…[you might ask]…! Well nothing really, but as we were watching some superb honey buzzards in Nottinghamshire yesterday the topic was obviously discussed…[and I only mention it here as I’m just mildly venting].

I ‘mildly vented’ yesterday when I suggested that this Norwegian tosser should have just strapped a load of TNT to his own cross-wired head and blown his skull to fuckin bits instead of ruining a lot of innocent lives whose summer has so cruelly been cut short…

So anyway…I won’t go on about this subject…instead I will return to ‘nice stuff’…such as early evening yesterday when, to my delight, I observed a marsh harrier quartering my local patch with a barn owl hunting in close proximity…

Not that you’d be interested but I’ve never seen a harrier of any description locally…so I was well ‘made up’…!

And as luck would have it this morning whilst looking for the harrier I observed the blessed falcon that had continued to elude me of late…the Hobby…

As I scanned the warming skies my eye was drawn towards a circling buzzard…and as often happens…one observation leads to another. At extreme height the hobby soared and drifted East over a distant wood…whereupon a second bird intercepted at high speed as both briefly disappeared. Seconds later, I presume the original bird, continued its high hawking activities…

I now have a new area to search for these hopefully breeding blighters…!

ps...i see that Amy Winehouse has had her last 'party'...shame...she had one hell of a voice...

Here's some folks 'partying'...don't bother playing this vid if you don't like dubstep...[i didn't know that i liked dubstep until i heard this lot]...Chase and Status....

I am also inclined to put this vid on......[this vid has been 'disabled' by some on youtube...how very sharing of them...i'm sure John would be most pleased]..

The day after yesterday...

2011-07-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

As one gets older one should, in theory, get wiser….

Even forearmed with knowledge of past ‘identification events’ one can still fall into that age old trap of the mother of all fuck-ups…ASSUMPTION…!

Now you would think that by being aware of this ‘trap’ that you will never be suckered in to what I can only call ‘mass assumption/delusion’….but on any given day…for whatever reasons…you can…!

Of course I am not referring to those perfect birding individuals…yunno…those ones who are always right and never fuck up. What are they called now..? Ha…I remember now…fuckin liars…

I know of many birders who have found good rare birds…but I also know that they have fucked up on more than just a few too…!

We accept that tho…[unlike stringing which is, of course, a hanging offense]…

Most birders who have been around long enough have a skeleton or two hanging in their birding closets that they don’t wish to be made public…[and you can understand why considering the ‘hindsight’ brigade’ which haunt the internet]..!

But getting back to yesterdays events..

One presumed, wrongly in this case it seems, that a critical id feature had already been noted by previous observers…ie…the rump pattern..!

Waders can be notoriously difficult to id at times…does anyone really need reminding of a certain slender billed curlew in Suffolk…a red necked stint that was a sanderling…and the infamous Felixtowe Sandpiper…? Large numbers of extremely competent birders made big cock-ups over those birds….but they are only human…and it happens.

On another day that rather dark looking greenshank at Daventry would have been looked at suspiciously, especially with the leg coloration, and then dismissed immediately had it been seen in flight…and nothing more would have come of it…end of story. Such things happen every day in the birding world and you never hear about them…we all should know that.

Yes…it is all rather funny and the gossip mongers will relish ridiculing individuals…but they shouldn’t ridicule tooo much…coz next time…it might be them caught in the internet spotlight…then lets see how they feel…!

Of course ‘they’ may never be caught out in such a way…no…they will stand around and say nowt and let others stick their foot in it…[I have no respect for them]…

So…no matter what your experience…if you next find yourself in the field and have serious doubts about an id…then for fucks sake please SPEAK UP and ask the obvious that others may not have voiced…

The problem is tho that with all the flak that finders of supposed rare birds get on the internet for making a mistake it is perfectly understandable why so many chose to keep quiet….and this is really rather sad…

All that was needed yesterday was the simple question being asked…”has the rump pattern been seen on this bird”..?

I dunno…fuckin birders eh…?

ps...the posted vid depicts how i was yesterday....[knobhead]...!

Wednesday...unlucky 13th of July...!

2011-07-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was, apparently, a greater legs in Northamptonshire…except it wasn’t one…twas just a Greenshank with yellow legs…[end of]…!

I arrived on site in not the best of mental states…[ie…not inquisitive enuff]…and found the assembles masses, including known ‘names’, seemingly quite happy with the id of Greater Yellowlegs..and I guess that then it was just a case of going along with the identification. BIG mistake….as it often is…and no doubt will be again.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much you know about bird id…it can happen that you will on occasion go along with ‘the flow’…especially if focused on one particular feature…in this case the leg colour.

Bottom line is with all identification is check..re-check and then check again all features to be sure to be sure…

Now I guess that many uk twitcher who reads this will be wanting to know those ‘names’ who thought the id of greater legs to be correct…but I ain’t saying because they are all very fine fellows. So be fucked if I’m gonna have scorn and jibes chucked at them by nasty gibbons….[it isn’t ‘cricket’ as some say]…!

Quote: “I have learned from my mistakes and can repeat them exactly”…[I can’t remember who said that but he was right]…!

So okay...heres a little tune you might like..[i personally think this band are superb]...

And just because i can....here's some more great music....

Day 4...Scando birdy trip...

2011-07-09T05:07:00.000-07:00

The evening proceeding day four in Scando saw our temporary base, the visitor center at Oulu, invaded by a stag party….

My mates decided to stay up most of that night watching a certain football match on the box as they thought that the inevitable high volume of a bunch of partying blokes was gonna keep them awake anyhows…

But i thought bollox to that….and stuck me ear-plugs in….[not that I don’t enjoy a party…but there were no females, obviously….so fuck that…and the footy match was no match for a good nights kip]….!

In what passes for morning….i tentatively entered the dining area to see what the ‘damage’ was and found as expected…beer cans and general ‘mess’…and also what seemed to be a left over diagram on a drawing board where someone had obviously lectured on ‘what knobs do’….[chuckle]….!

So day four began…and so did the long 570k drive to Neljan Tuulen Tupa where we were to stay at the famous lodge…[amongst birders]…for Pine Grosbeaks….

En route up North we frigged about looking for Terek Sand which we failed to see as viewing at the known site is, to put it crudely…fuckin pants. Indeed had we known before hand just how ‘fuckin pants’ it was then we probably wouldn’t have bothered…hey ho…onwards and upwards...!

A better birding site on the way to our evening’s digs was Petkelkuja Bog…a really beautiful place with flight songs of Wood sands raining down on you from above…etc…

Late in the day and somewhat knackered from the tedious drive counting endless pine and birch trees we eventually arrived at the lodge and were welcomed by a very nice lady. It was good to get on site and although a tad tired I could not resist having a butchers for the grosbeaks…would there be any about..?

After half an hour or so of watching superb Bramblings I began to have my doubts…but then a rather large bird flew into view….fuck me…! Far bulkier than I had expected was a Pine Grosbeak….hip hip hoorah…n all that…[this was the first time I had ever clapped me eyes on this much desired beast of a bird]..!

I slept well that night after an excellent meal and a lager….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..etc

Ps...i see that on BF 'sparks' are still flying over birding lists....[forgive the pun but enjoy the vid]...

This next vid depicts what i would do with certain 'lists'....

Pps...the pic of the guy pissing at top o the page is one of the stag party goers...not one of us...!

Far from the maddening crowds....

2011-07-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

I thought that the next post I’d write here would be about my fourth day birding in Scandinavia…but it isn’t…as I can’t be arsed…so instead I thought I would just bang up a few bits and images concerning recent local stuff…

As we drove to a site in Northants the other day we were jabbering on about some of the seriously bonkers birding shit that we’d been reading on the tinternet about ‘listing’…

And as a consequence reminiscing, like you do, about ‘the old fuckin days’ I happened to mention a particular bloke who used to be a regular on the Scillies…[and probably still is]..?

This fella was famous for his veggie curries and had a beard….[not that being in possession of a beard is strictly necessary in order to make a curry]…….

As we pulled up to our destination and were unloading our kit we heard another car rumbling down the dusty track and my initial thoughts were “fuck”..as all I wanted was a bit of peace and quiet in order to enjoy some good butterflies”…..

The rumbling car pulled up alongside and out stepped a bloke with a beard…and yes…it was the same bloke we’d just been nattering about…Dickus Filbyius…

All kinda bizarre really as I hadn’t seen him out in the field since I can’t remember when…

Anyways up…what followed was an incredibly fine sunny afternoon in good company observing and photographing butterflies….and not a crowd in sight…great..!

Whilst we enjoyed doing our thing I relayed to Dick an idea that a Mr.Evans had had about doing a ‘warts n all’ book on the folk concerned with the early twitching days…

I won’t say what he said about ‘the idea’…but he did laugh…!

Ps…now I am sure that my mate and Dick got much better shots of the Silver Washed Fritillaries and White Letter Hairstreaks as they both had big fuck-off lenses…but hey…you do your best with what you got…!

Pps…had a superb little Hummingbird Hawk Moth too….but couldn’t get on the flappy twat to take a pic of it….!

Here’s just some music I like with no flashy vid…..

I think that this guy still busks around the country…Ed Alleyne Johnson….[you never heard of him]..?
Amazing stuff if you like this sort o thing…this track is off his purple album…[which I still have on ‘cassette’]…!!!

In case you found that last music crap...here's some souxie...which you might also find crap...[in which case you have no taste whatsoever]....

No such thing as 'good taste'...just you're taste....[have a nice day]...!

list-urine....

2011-06-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

Are you normally a mild mannered birder who for some reason when ensconced behind a keyboard goes absolutely fuckin mental….?

If so…then you may be suffering from a condition that scientist’s claim is akin to road rage which of late has reached epedemic proportions..

So…if you are upset by your own vitriolic birding internet potty-mouths…then try gargling with Listerine…especially formulated for listers and guaranteed to remove unwanted and unnecessary vile verbals from yer gobs…

And if….by some small chance…that gargling with Listing Listerine doesn’t work then why not try taking a bath in it….or drop a crate of it on your head?….or better still…do something useful…I dunno…like bird-watching or trying to be nice to folks…

Ps….does this message make you angry…?

Then try my new product for interweb birders called…’I keep getting wound up like a right bastard and I can’t help it’….

Pps…do you also get upset with cowardly anonymous posters on tinternet….?

Tough…! Use your superior intellect and rise above it with indifference..but don't rise above it too far as you might find yourself on 'high moral ground'….and space is limited on the high moral ground coz its full of hypocrites….[like myself at times]…...!

Still upset…? Then stop reading this garbage….

Ppps…do people who misuse the English language and ‘chuckle’ upset you…?..[chuckle]..!

Here’s a bloke who used to get upset a lot…[do not view this vid if you don’t like bad language referring to female genitalia]….and rhymes with ‘hunt’….

[this is one of my favorite Bill Hicks clips]….

Here's another legend....

This post should be taken lightheartedly.....so please do not take it too seriously...[as if you could]...!

It's a long way.....

2011-06-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

It is always great to hear that having travelled hundreds o miles to see a rare bird that you find out on site that the info you ‘went on’ was in all likelihood ‘duff’….ie bollox…

On Friday 24^th of June the WWScoter was reported to have still been present off Blackdog in Aberdeenshireland….

We were informed soon after our arrival by some birders present on the Saturday that whoever reported the scoter on Friday….’may’ have been mistaken…[great eh]…?!!

Mistakes happen…shit happens….happen ‘someone’ saw the scoter on Friday…happen they didn’t but thought they did…whatever….happen we went to Scotland and happen we didn’t see the white winged scoter….[despite many hours of searching]…!

So did we have a crap time then..?

Well no…we saw some fantastic stuff that only a totally list oriented muppet could fail to appreciate…incredible surf and velvet scoters…arctic skua’s tear arsing up n down the sea and the handsome King Eider up the road at the usual place…!

All quite marvellous stuff and not usually what we see at Rutland Water in June…

Other highlights of the weekend included getting some great digs at a knock down price on the Saturday night. The Holiday Inn very close to the scoter site put us up in one room for twenty quid each and threw in a top class breakfast too….joy..!

Better than sleeping in a car…[unless the car is a very big one that has a shower in it and a TV]….

Having scrutinized the scoter flocks up until 9 o clock on the Saturday night…[I think we were the ‘last twats standing’ by then]….and after again searching on the Sunday morning we just gave it up by early afternoon as a bad job and conceded defeat.…[but at least I felt satisfied that we’d given it our best shot….and that’s all anyone can do]….

First vid up depicts the best way to look for the Scoter…..which is obviously by submarine…in this case a U-boat….

Ps..you might notice in this vid that the birding crew are singing the well known twitchy song of ‘It’s a long way to dip-a-rary’….[chuckle]…..!

And posting that last clip reminded of what a fantastic film Das Boot is....so here's a bit more with the great soundtrack....

Scando day 3...

2011-06-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

Day three yawned and I found myself in downtown Oulu at the prearranged godforsaken time and all seemed a bit dreamlike; the lack of darkness and sleep made one feel…’a tad out of touch’…one might say…

Neon lights glowed in what passed for night time as several shifty looking characters in welly boots shuffled about a car park and looked at their watches…

It was almost time for the owl excursion and as I pondered upon the events that were likely to unfold over the next eight hours my sleepy head received an audible jolt as a van appeared from nowhere.

A squeal of brakes cut the gloom as the van pulled up alongside us and a scary man wearing a black balaclava jumped out…[what the fuck]….???!!!

He pointed his loaded weapon at us, which looked remarkably like a telescope….and yelled….

“Right…everybody down on the ground…do it NOW”…

[Eehhhhh?….I thought this was supposed to be a birding trip]….?

The scary man grinned through gritted teeth and then proceeded to pat us down with his big hairy digits the size of tree trunks..…

“Okay folks…so you wanna see some owls yeah?….okay then…so gimme all your mobile phones n cameras n stuff with any GPS location devices…and do it now you freaky birding fucks whilst I check your names on me list….oh…and then put these blindfolds on while your at it”…

[Blimey…things had changed since I was birding in Finland last….jeeezzz]….!

Everyone did as the scary man said and put on the provided blindfolds as the scary man began one final search for concealed device’s. He first ran a metal detector over our bodies and then went on to explore our anal cavities with the use of a torch and tripod leg….[blimey]….!!!

As we sped off to unknown destinations i wondered what was to become of us…

It seemed like an eternity until the van came to a halt and upon removing our blindfolds we found ourselves in a dark damp wood and staring at a dark damp nest box with the scary man telling us all to keep quiet whilst he made some silly hooting noises.

Apparently there was a female pygmy owl in this particular nest-box, or so we were told…[but for all I knew there might have been a schrodingers squirrel in it].…

Many minutes later…[about thirty of them]…the scary man was still making silly whistling hooty noises in order to attract the male pygmy owl before finally coming to the conclusion that a male pygmy owl wasn’t going to show…[all that pygmy piggin whistling for nowt]…bummer…! Oh well…

“Right…times up…put yer blindfolds back on whilst we locate to another site…this time for tengmalms owl”…he shouted…[and off we went again]…

When our vehicle stopped again we were pulled out at the side of a road and forced to stare at yet another hole…this time at a hole in a tree and not at a hole in a box….

"okay…so stand back whilst I scratch this tree with a hole in it”…he said…

Whatever turns you on…[I thought]…..maybe he’s gonna tickle a twig for his next perverted pleasure….whatever…

The scary mans tree-scratching antics eventually had the desired effect as it stimulated a fluffy little glove puppet of an owl that slowly appeared at the nest hole entrance.

It looked well fucked off….[as you would be if you’d just been woken up by a man scratching at your hole]. The tengmalms blinked its two dopey eyes before dropping back down into the nest…

Wow…that was thrilling….[I just had time to think]….before we were bundled yet again into the van.

At our next stop I heard the scary man say “Great grey”…which had me rushing for my scope….

“Where”?…I says…

“There”…he says…“one’s just flown into that tree”…..

[Has it fuck I thought…how could such a big bird elude my gaze]…?

“Do you see it”?…scary man said…

“No I fuckin don’t…which bastard tree are you fuckin on about”….?

“That one…yunno…the one with the great grey shrike in it”

Great grey….shrike…? I thought we were supposed to be looking at a great grey owl….

Slightly deflated on we marched…copping a view of a female black grouse and a few rosefinches en route to who the bollox knew where. Twas then that I heard a familiar call…the alarm call of a hawk owl…and sure enough we obtained rather superb close views…..[but still no great grey owl]…I guess he was keeping the best till last….!

But before ‘the best’…it was time to look at another hole…[fuckin yippee]…but this time

it was a different type of hole altogether, although still round, this hole was

the hole of a three toed woodpecker…

We all stared at this fantastic looking hole for many many minutes and saw sweet buger all….so that was a blow-out n all…[good job I’d seen this species before]…

So now….for ‘the big one’….the one we’d all been waiting for…

Once again we were taken into a dark damp wood…but this time it was not to look at another hole…this time we were confronted with a magnificent feathery beast.

Sat on a throne-like nest at eye level…a great grey owl peered intently at we assembled voyeurs with curious but soon to be indifferent eyes….[she’d seen it all before…and I’m surprised she didn’t yawn]….!

We were totally thrilled when the male bird came in with lemmings for the female to pass gently to her downy young…[it really was quite awesome…unforgettable in fact]...

Our final owl of the day was a Ural Owl that was likewise sat on her nest…gorgeous dark eyes shining…a truly beautiful and understated species…..[and then that was that….the owling over].

Blindfolded and buggered…[not buggered as in actually ‘buggered’ but as in ‘tired’]….we were eventually dropped off where it had all began…in Oulu.

The scary man had a few last words to say to us before he departed tho…and as he handed back all of our confiscated gadgets he said in serious tone…

“I hope you all have enjoyed your little trip…but a word of caution…do not divulge any information about what you have seen or where you may have seen it…we will be watching you….oh…and don’t come back unless you have more money to spend….have a nice day… ta ta…n all that”..

It was as the “ta ta” sounded in my head that i abruptly woke up back at Oulu base-camp in my bed and soon realized that all the above had been a dream….[apart from all those birds I described....seen and not seen]…!

What really happened that day, in reality, is that we had a good owling eight hour session with Finnature who were not at all scary….

Ps..thank you for having read this garbage…[i bet you regret it now]...chuckle..!

Pps…I would recommend Finnature to anyone visiting Finland, as they are a very professional outfit…and I do hope that they have a sense of humor…!

Here's another tune that you probably won't bother listening to......[tis good tho.....like the last vid....excellent visuals]....oh...and in case you don't notice...in this vid Bowie is looking in a damp dark wood for owls...[don't think he was with Finnature tho]?...ha..!

Scoter identification....

2011-06-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

For all those UK twitchers who may be heading to Aberdeen for a spot of duck watching…here’s a quick reminder of what to look for….

Given a decent view its all quite simple really…..!

The first vid tells you all you need to know about the splitting and lumping of Scoters...

Apologies for the naffness of this post...[i was just in one o those moods]...the next post will almost definitely be on owls....[unless i decide to post some more crap].....!

ps...if you are traveling north for the white wing scoter...then mind how you go....and try not to do speeds of over 100miles n hour....as if...[chuckle]...speeding twitchers?...who ever heard of such a thing...

pps....this vid ain't of Aberdeen...its an excellent vid of James Dean...with an excellent little tune from the Stones....

Day 2 Scando....

2011-06-12T01:25:00.000-07:00

Like starving vultures that hadn’t eaten a corpse in weeks four birders entered the dining area of the Park Hotel in Lulea on day two of our trip …

A caffeine machine sitting quietly on a table had no idea of the hammering it was about to receive from myself…an unquestionable coffee freak. An hour of repeated pushing of the button marked ‘more fuckin coffee please’ and my forefinger had all but lost its fingerprint…

Being birdy early risers we were the first of the hotel lodgers to hit the breakfast tables of neatly displayed goodies and so had time to carefully consider what to consume as part of a carefully controlled diet….

HHHmmm…what to have…?

Several cereals were on display…fruit juices…a selection of mysterious hammy and cheese slices…hard boiled eggs…[or maybe I should just go for the toast and what passed for marmalade in Scandinavia]?….hhhmmmmm….decisions decisions…

After due deliberation I decided to eat the fuckin lot…..[not really…but very nearly]…!

Satisfied that our stomachs could take no more we departed the dining area leaving a once large clutch of hard boiled eggs….[which now seemed to be smiling at late comers to breakfast]…”have a nice day”…clucking chuckle....!

With the early morning assault of the breakfast table over, we packed our shit and hit the road to begin the long drive to Oulu whilst taking in the wonders of the boreal forest flashing by the car windows….[or as I dubbed the forest..’the boring-old-forest’]…..

Pine..birch…birch…pine…birch birch…more birch…more pine…another birch…another pine…and oh look…another fuckin birch….and wow…guess what?…more bastard pine….[yes, it was incredibly boring…unless you like looking at endless pine and birch]….okay if you’re a woodpecker I suppose…

The roads were very peaceful as we sped along ignoring the strange shaped metal devices at the roadsides. ’Strange metal devices’ I hear you say…well yes…we didn’t know what they were….until much later in the trip when we sussed that they were actually road camera’s….AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHfuck…!!!!

[More about the ‘aaarrrggghhhfuck cameras’ later]…..

So anyway…to cut out the unnecessary observational crap for a minute and to get on with ‘the bird report’ such as it is….we arrived later that afternoon at Oulu visitor centre where we were to stay for two nights…unpacked our rubbish and proceeded to do a bit of spotting…

On view from one of the hides were three red necked phalaropes twizzling around by a distant shore…a white tailed eagle lumbered over the vast expansive wet landscape whilst, most impressively, a two hundred strong flock of cranes wheeled up into grey skies….all quite marvelous....

As we were somewhat knackered we cut short our birding activities and retired to our lodgings for some kip. We had a second reason to hit the sack early for it was to be that at some god forsaken time in the morning, or what passes for morning, we were meeting up with Finnature who were booked to show us some owls and maybe some other ‘bits’…

Ps…most impressive of today’s birds were, in my opinion, the Ruffs…who’s dancing displaying antics in their breeding garbs were extremely entertaining…[the pic here is from me mate..which is a rather nice shot i reckon]...

First vid up, which has absolutely nothing to do with this post, is of one of my favourite bands….the Furs from 1982….[which was a very good year for the L3 twitching…white crown black wheatear…long toed stint….savannah sparrow….nighthawk…scarlet tanager]….rarities all over the shop….etc.

And speaking of twitching...i note that a certain rarity that's been at Hartlepool seems to have done a bunk....[so heres a great track from the Jackson5...'fockin robin']....

No ladder required....

2011-06-08T02:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning found me considering what to take on a twitching trip…
Yunno…the usual: binoculars....scope....tripod...grappling irons...trampoline....pogo stick…a ten foot ladder…[all essential bits of equipment for the modern day birder don’t-cha-know]….
The first day of twitching the white throated robin was absolutely hilarious and many hugely entertaining photos have appeared on birdforum depicting determined and clearly bonkers birdingfreaks in various undignified positions attempting to climb a certain ‘wall’….all clearly quite insane but an incredible ‘hoot’….

I am glad that the occasion didn’t turn nasty and this was largely due to the very understanding local folk who were complete ‘gems’…and many thanks must go out to all concerned.

Now as it happened news came through before we left on Tuesday morning that my climbing gear wasn’t going to be necessary as it seemed that the doctors garden was to be opened to all…great..!!

We arrived mid afternoon and filed through the garage into the garden where all was peaceful and obviously in complete contrast to the previous days antics. It was all quite surreal actually with the gardener pottering about doing his chores and everyone was extremely polite.

All was not completely ‘rosy’ on the day tho as we drove up from Leicester through some horrendous rainstorms and on nearing ‘the site’ we took a wrong turn…ooppps and bollox….just what you don’t want…! To make matters a tad more tense when we entered the garden the bird showed almost immediately and I didn’t understand exactly where folk were looking and as a consequence I got UTV’s on my first viewing…dam..!!

[For those who don’t know..UTV is untickableview…old-school birding language].

Then of course, after failing to see the bird properly, the fuckin heavens opened and decided to drench anyone foolish enough to be standing by a rhubarb patch in a back garden in Hartlepool…!

However..all turned out well as the bird in time hopped about admirably after the rain had passed and I could breath a sigh or two of relief….[aahhhh...aahhhh]...

So that was that….we dropped some money in a guys bucket..[refreshingly just the amount you could afford]…no hassle over price….very civilized…!

White throated Robin…a real ‘biggie’…just like the guy in the first vid..

Swing low Cee Lo bowling green…

I suppose i could have put pink floyds 'the wall' vid on...but nahhh...not cool enough....

This vid has slight birdy connections...[and is also fuckin brilliant]...

SAS scando...

2011-06-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from Scandinavia just in time to shit me pants over a White Throated Robin at Hartlepool…[and no…I ain’t seen it]…!

Whilst I wait for developments on the bird…[ie. has it or hasn’t it fucked off owing to a bowling match of all things]….here’s a bit of stuff on our birdy trip to Scando….[like you care when there’s a mega about in the UK]….!

Anyway….the day of our Scandinavian birding trip had finally arrived.

And so…with bags rammed full of unnecessary clothing items…four blokes in a car headed south through the wind and rain down to Heathrow airport.
It was definitely the right move to head for this particular airport for it was at this airport that our plane was departing from. Had we driven to East Midlands airport we’d have missed our flight completely…[and that would not have been a good start]…

We arrived, as we always do, in ample time before our flight and before long the novelty of ‘general airport pissing about’ wore thin. You have a coffee…you may even have two coffee’s and a sandwich or something similar from one of the many well known culinary outlets such as ‘Costabucketload’ or ‘Bollock-Burger’…[but always in the back of your mind is the fact that it’s not really worth buying much grub as there will be a meal on board your flight…or there should be]…shouldn’t there…!!?

Like a rather uncomfortable turd, several bum-crunching hours later, our scheduled flight with Scandinavian Airlines finally let rip and took off with us on it…[two hours late owing to shite weather]…but at least we were on our way…

We had all visited Finland in 2004 and we’d seen most of the Scandinavian desired species…apart from one big BIG omission…Great Grey Owl..so views of this awesome fuckin beast were a must…

Our first introduction to sky-high scando-lous prices was…rather surprisingly…actually on board the SAS plane itself where the pleasant enough air stewardesses smiled as they attempted to pull our pants down and empty our wallets.

Now you would have thought that, seeing as this was a scheduled flight, that you would have had not unreasonable expectations of at least a sandwich or two and a cup of tea on a three hour flight…but oh no…not with pissing SAS airlines you don’t…you get…[to be crude]…fucky fuck all…

I was surprised by the end of the journey that they hadn’t charged us for the air we were breathing….[wankers]…!

It is, however, not absolutely true that they gave us nowt to eat…for only minutes into the flight they tossed a very small bag of savoury snacky crap things for us to munch and I confess that at the time I joked that this was just a ‘savoury snack scam’ in order to raise our thirsts so that they could flog us overpriced drinks…[oh how I was wrong to joke]…!

£2.50 for a can of Coke….??!! You can stick your fizzy fuckin cans where the sun rarely shines at those prices.

Rant over about SAS robbers….ONWARDS…and into Stockholm where we had missed our connecting flight to Lulea in Finland…[oh well…not to worry as there was another flight very soon after and all we had to do was find the right gate]…ha..!
The signposts telling you which way to go at Stockholm airport were about as helpful as someone who is not very helpful at all and we were, as a consequence, lead a long unmerry dance until we finally located the correct area for the connecting flight….

But we got the flight…arrived late at our hotel in Lulea…and crashed out…hoorah n all that…..

Ps…more to follow on this trip…[if you can be arsed to read it]…but be assured that there will be some bird stuff on the following posts….[how strange will that be]….?

About as strange as this vid by Men Without Hats..[a little tune that popped into my head for no reason on our last day in Scando]…

I was gonna post the original version until I found this…[chuckle]…!

pps....this vid is as crazy as the medieval scenes at the 'robin' site yesterday...!

This SAS ain't Scandinavian Airlines....[it depicts twitchers assaulting the locations of raritees]....

Ashes 2 ashes......

2011-05-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of clouds…[especially cloud9]…but recent news of a certain cloud spreading from Iceland doesn’t exactly inspire me…and it could...in fact...be a potential big bastard and totally screw up a birdy trip to Scandinavia…

Just what you need ain’t it…….?

We are due to fly off on the 26^th for a bit of owling and a spot of spotting in Varanger…all potentially good stuff….but now we gotta fret over this ‘not so good stuff’….ASH…!

Now if we have to cancel our trip it ain’t...as they say...the end of the world…[that was the other day…frickin joke…see last post]…!

We are obviously clueless as to what will happen in the next 48 hours re this situation so all I can do meantime is to pack me bag accordingly…..with gas masks…wellies for wading thru ash….cigarettes to add to volcanic ash…several ash trays…a hair dryer to blow ash out of my pubes….and an extra pillow for when the plane hits the ground choking in fuckin ash…

Ps….Ryan Airs O’Leary has just been on the news stating that…basically…it is just a mythical ash cloud and that he is somewhat annoyed with flight cancellations ‘up north’…he then went on to say that he thinks the flight authorities are wankers…[he didn’t really…but that was the essence of what he said]…

Pps…you would think that this would be a good time for me to put Bowies ‘ashes to ashes’ vid up…but I won’t…so instead here's a bit of Kate bush...[who at one point in this vid looks as tho she's giving Donald Sutherland a blow job]....great music tho.....if you like this sort o thing...

And here's one flight that I definitely wouldn’t cancel…'the flight of the conchords'…funny as fuck….[well…I like it anyway]….!

Here's something else dead funny....a nice little tune from Archie Bronson...

End of the world my arse....

2011-05-21T03:39:00.000-07:00

According to Harold Camping the worlds gonna get fucked at 6pm today…which is a shame because I was looking forward to seeing Doctor Who at 6.45 on BBC1 tonight…..

This ‘end of the world’ shit also puts the mockers on my forthcoming birding trip to Scandinavia as well…[I wonder if I can get me money back on the insurance]…?

So yeah…the end of the world…

Why can’t these deluded mothers predict something useful like where the next first for Britain will be and when…?

I recently read ‘a book’…[I haven’t]….and discovered, much to my amazement, an under-lying-code…[the ‘Da-finchi Code’]….

..and if i have deciphered it correctly…….[by fucking about with the words and numbers n shit]….a white winged lark is gonna appear on my local patch this Tuesday morning at 11am….

GREAT…!! If only that were true……[chuckle]…!

Anyway..i’m gonna have to keep this post quick and not woffle on too much as I got things to do before 6.pm…….[I need a piss for starters]…..and then I gotta decide what me last meals gonna be….

Scrambled egg n mushrooms with toast n bacon sounds good….

Have a nice day…[what’s left of it]….fuckin ha….!

Ps….the book I didn’t read is the one in next vid….[and yes its more Stuart lee]….but if you don't fancy watching a bit o comedy then try the second vid...[it contains 'rappers'...and i dedicate it to Mr.Lee].....

Grandmaster Flash n Tears for fears.....[great stuff...in my opinion]....

CSI twig....

2011-05-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

Growing concerns over a certain twigs whereabouts are reaching fever pitch in birding circles…

Protests are being held up and down the UK where crowds of furious folk are gathering outside rarity committees headquarters chanting….“SHOW US THE TWIG….SHOW US THE TWIG...and...where’s that bastard twig then”…?

Authorities have pleaded with the twig twitching protesters to exhibit calm in the face of the twigs apparent disappearance and have assured all concerned that a crack team of investigators lead by Gil Grewsome is on the case…

Gil Grewsome of CSI birding world was happy to take on the task of ‘the fuckin twig’ and is looking forward to pulling intrigued faces whilst wearing silly red spectacles and flashing stupid torches to musical soundtracks performed by the Who...

Doctor Ray Langston…[aka Laurence Fishburnt]…also of the CSI team said that unfortunately he was unavailable to take on this case as he was far too busy making dosh to buy sexy long black leather coats by pushing white rabbit pills in his guise of Morpheus. He then went on to say that “none of its fuckin real anyway” and tried to convince everyone who would listen that the twig and the bunting were just part of something he calls the Matrix…

Ps….[update on present situation]…Doctor Dolittle is, as I write, questioning all the birds in the vicinity of Bolton Abbey but so far his inquiries have…like the missing twig…proved fruitless]…

Pps….I was gonna bang on a Who track but I thought bollox to that…I just fancy listening to a bit o Bowie…as I’m a heathen…..[apparently]….chuckle…! Please note that the vid of the rock bunting was not taken at Bolton Abbey…[but it is rather nice footage of this cracking species]…and the twigs look good in it too…

Ppps....latest hot news on 'the twig'...it has been found alive and well by Steve Webb but unfortunately the rock bunting wasn't perched on it....[bummer]...!!

Bin and gone 2....

2011-05-14T03:26:00.000-07:00

There has been a number of mega bird alerts going off on UK pagers this past week…enuff to have given multiple orgasms I would imagine…[especially if set to vibrate]…

But what have most come to…?…sweet buger all…!

The Calandra Lark didn’t even have the decency to hang about after being booted up and down the pitch of Gibralter Point….so no twitching touchdown for the masses….shame really….[oh well]…

And what about ‘that’ Rock Bunting…? Was it real..?..was it a hoax…?…do you even fuckin care…? Well…if the bunting was real then most of us would naturally care….but it does seem to be getting increasingly dubious…[if we are to be sucked in by the suspicions now surfacing]…and I don’t necessarily recommend that you do get ‘sucked in’…!

Perhaps the most gripping bird of late has been the displaying Great Snipe at Cley..now that was a real treat for some…lucky swines…!

Apparently ‘playback’ was used in attempts to get the bird to perform…tho it is unclear as to how successful…or even legal…this actually was.

Playing a birds call back to get views doesn’t always work …and in my opinion what they should have done at Cley was to have stuck a remote controlled laptop outside avocet hide with a video of dancing great snipes performing on screen. Better still…and probably more effective…a video of two great snipes actually humping the shit out of each other…now i’m sure that that would have produced the desired effect of screwing with the birds beady-eyed head…..as well as providing brilliant views for the drooling onlookers…[chuckle]..!

To be serious tho…[if I must]…if I’d have driven a ways to see this bird and found out that the cause…or probable cause. ..of me not seeing the bird was playback tapes then I’d be miffed…especially if I’d spent £120 as one fellow did…! It is an ever increasing balls ache the amount of dosh one has to part with when travelling for a bird these days….[don't we all know it]. The guy who spent £120 tho could have at least brought his costs down by remembering to have taken a hat along with him to save on actually having to buy one en route….[I had to laugh at that when I read it on BF]….!

Forgetting to take a bit of equipment with you on a twitch frequently happens of course…and I guess that in this case it could have been a lot worse…he could have forgotten to put his trousers on which would have necessitated him calling in at a Norfolk branch of Primark….

So basically..to sum up...i’ve seen nowt rare wise lately…not even ‘the’ black kite that apparently flew over a shires quarry the other day….[where do these fuckin reports come from]…?!

I think that Lee should get on the case of such reports…[Stuart Lee that is…not LGRE]….

And if you don’t know who Stuart Lee is...[but I’m sure you do]....then take a look at the first vid…[especially if you don’t like Top Gear presenters]…..it is ridiculously funny….tho some might find his words a tad shocking…

Lee’s new series on the BBC is well worth a watch…[especially the latest second episode where Stuart has an imaginary conversation with an estate agent over visible otters]…Lee’s timing and expressions are pure friggin genius…

Ps…if you can’t be arsed watching 15 minutes of comedy then click second vid for more exclusive footage of snipe….[and then third vid to see what the snipe was dancing to]…better still..play the snipe vid with the roxy music vid together and you will see what excellent rhythm this wader has....[yes...i am very childish]...!

Bin and gone....

2011-05-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

Does the title of this post ‘bin and gone’ refer to rarities…?

Well…it can do…

The Glossy Ibis has bin n gone from Rutty Water in Leicestershire…[fuckin great bird….for which I must thank the couple o folk who rang me up about it..ta very much]….!

The Collared flycatcher has flown from Holme Norfolk…[didn’t bother going for it]…very nice bird tho…

But to be honest the title of this post refers more to the folk in the news lately that have ‘bin and gone’..ie…croaked…kicked the bucket…deceased…passed away…stopped breathing….dead basically..!

Bin and gone Laden…Sev Ballesteros….Henry Cooper….and now one o the Walker brothers has popped his proverbial clogs…..

But not all of them will be missed I suspect…

Of course the biggest ‘death’ to hit the news was Bin n gone Laden…and the biggest joke was the info the yanks put out after his death….talk about making shit up as you go along…

I’m surprised that they didn’t put out a story that Bin Laden was cleaning his gun in his bathroom when he accidentally slipped on a bar of soap and shot him twatting self in the head…

Of course we will never know exactly what happened…[surprise surprise]…as there was a ‘technical hitch’ just at the moment he had his head blown off….[so what the fuck Obama/Hilary and co were watching in that room crowded round a screen shit only knows]. I suspect tho, having observed the way that Hilary was covering her mouth, that they were watching some sort o porn movie involving Bill Clinton dressed up as a nun being sucked off by a lady boy...[or something very similar]…chuckle…!

Anyway..live by the sword die by the sword I guess…

Which brings me to something totally unrelated……Atlantis….[what the fuck]…?

I enjoyed watching the BBC’s Atlantis program last night and was left pondering why such a civilized society as the Minoan’s…who had indoor toilets….would be so stupid as to indulge in sacrifices….

Must admit..it made me giggle…[tho if you had been there at the time I doubt if you’d have been chuckling so much]…

So….this fucking big volcano was spouting unbelievable amounts of shit…[similar to myself]….and all they could do was blame the freakin gods and chop animals and people up…that’s the answer to everything ain’t it…? Blood spilling pillocks…

Thank goodness we don’t live in a world now where if things go wrong we sacrifice stuff…[oopps…just remembered…Liberal Democrats…they are definitely to blame for the present economic shit-storm]…hey…so lets chop Cleggs fuckin head off…appease the economic gods and sooth the seething masses…[dumbtwats]…

On a more pleasant note….[and I apologize for that previous rant]…i am pleased to report that me has two pairs of hobbies on my local patch…[and also that Torchwood is coming back to the screens]…fuckin brill…[that’s short for brilliant]….

First vid up has zombies in it...[so if you don't like Dawn of the Dead n flesh eating crap...then don't click on it]....great Bowie tune with vid tho

ps...if you think that zombies don't exist then you ought to see some of the cunts driving round my area...fuck a duck...they is either on valium...or they are in fact...the living dead..

Out of time.....[forgotten how good this track was]....tis all a blur...

And finally...for no other reason than i love Motown...

Have a nice day....[no seriously...do]....!

Fire at Will...

2011-04-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

7.30am….I made the mistake of switching on the TV news this morning and saw the crowds of happy zombies choking on bunting whilst waiting to see a couple of rich folk tie the knot…

[There’s two references to birds already…ha]…what a cunt…!

The only ‘bunting’ I’d be interested in hanging around with would be a Pallas’s Reed or maybe a Yellow Browed…..[or Emma Bunting]….but there’s not much chance of any of those things happening……well certainly not with Emma Bunting anyway…[i do mean Emma 'baby spice' Bunton of course]....chuckle..!

I am not an anti-royalist…but neither am I a supporter of ‘the family’…and sometimes, albeit briefly, I feel sorry for the royals, like I would feel sorry for any animal having been born in captivity and taught to perform ‘tricks’ like performing seals in front of yawping desperate hordes…

1.30pm……managed to miss the wedding and turned the box on only to see Will n Kate appear from behind the curtain to have a wave and a snog or two in front of the masses….oh how they cheered...! Just imagine then the roars of approval had Will had a little grope of Kate’s tit or something…..[third reference to a bird]…chuckle….!

The BBC commentator almost wet himself before they appeared from behind 'that' curtain….[for some reason all I thought about was that infamous shower scene in ‘Psycho’….now that would have been funny if Harry had held up a pretend knife]….

Will looked very smart in his Michael Jackson outfit and Kate looked very fit….if not a tad underweight…so following in the footsteps of Di…..

If only Will had dangled a child or two over the balcony like Jacko….but it was not to be…[you’d have thought that the twat Harry would at least have done something daft]….he didn’t even put a moustache-like dab of black paint on the window and position himself behind it so he looked like Hitler waving…..[bring back Father Ted]….RIP….

Okay....enough of weddings...here’s an appropriate vid for the occasion…..[chuckle]...an awesome version of a Beatles classic…[unless you think it shite]...

Have a nice day….go birding….and find a fuckin breeding plum Caspian Plover…now that would be worth celebrating….!

Spilt milk...

2011-04-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

The Day After Tomorrow…as we all know…was a disaster movie….and the other day I had a fuckin disaster….but it wasn’t the end of the world..! Fuck no…I just missed a county tick that’s all…[bit of a bastard all round really but hey ho…no good crying over spilt milk n all that]…

Best antidote to a ‘let down’ is to get out and do some birding…..which I did yesterday Rutland Water and felt a whole lot better for having seen some good stuff…

‘Good stuff’ such as Black Terns and Little Gull in breeding plumage…Garganey and Turtle Dove…etc

Best of all tho were our first hobbies of the year…and what a performance we witnessed over one of the lagoons towards dusk. Two pairs of these magnificent birds thrilled us with their aerobatic antics…one pair even displaying.

I was so enthralled with them that I forgot to take any pix…[muppet]…but hey…I was so caught up in the action that i couldn’t be arsed with friggin about with a camera…

To top the evening off a large, possibly a dog, otter showed itself and scared the crap out of nearby waterfowl. A pair of Swans nesting nearby were less than happy at it’s presence and produced quite a hissy-flap…..[all very entertaining]…!

The previous night, down the boozer with fellow birding freaks, we had the ‘stone curlew’ inquest…[the county tick]….and like…what the fuck happened?…[or didn’t happen in this case]…but whatever…shit happens and life’s too short to dwell on negatives…

So over a pint instead we discussed, amongst other things, our forthcoming trip to Scandinavia and pondered our chances of seeing another dramatic falcon…the Gyr….

We reckon our chances are slim of seeing this bird….especially of seeing one like in the first vid…[which is fuckin amazing and a white phase bird]…

Ps…I like the music too….

And if you think that vid was sexy...take a look at this one....[great music from Little Dragon]...

Otter and otter...

2011-04-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Springs here and there’s stuff to be seen…’stuff’ like a family of otters that we enjoyed watching the other night…porpoising together across a lagoon with a marsh harrier quartering over reeds in the background….bliss..!!

Earlier we were watching avocets and towards dusk observed a decent flock of 50 odd redshank take to the skies…they headed north west having fed around Rutland Water for most of the afternoon…[always great to observe migration in action]…

Local patching has been colourful….’yellow’ being the dominant spring hue.

Dandelions have gone crazy and now compete with celandine and oil seed rape

fields as the daffodils begin to fade…and everywhere whitethroats are popping up

and chattering all over the shop…

But back to the best ‘bit’ of late…..the otters…!..

[please note that i ain't gotta clue why this fucking post has started printing in bold]....it's all gone ape-shit on me...[chuckle]...!!

Please try and ignore the big bold shouty words above which i had no control over owing to being a complete twat...[i will now try and resume normal service]...so....back again to the otter observations....

I was glad to have my new scope with the larger objective lens for viewing these endearing animals…and I was glad too that I had the 25-50 wide zoom piece on the Swaro. This definitely aided my location of these otters as one had to judge and pan your scope over the water…[predicting where they would surface by the bubbles and ripple disturbance] etc.

It would have been quite easy to have missed them altogether….

Freshwater otters, for the most part, are very difficult to observe..

[ie..a complete bastard to see]..and to be honest I’ve lost count of the times

we’ve looked for them and seen sweet buger all. But that’s part of what makes otters

so very special…to me anyway…their elusiveness…

When you do finally see these marvellous creatures it is an amazing experience

and one that you will want to repeat again and again…[unless you don’t

like otters…in which case you can fuck right off]…

There was a guy in an old film called ‘Ring of Bright Water’ who didn’t like otters.

As an impressionable youngster at the time of the films release I found it rather

traumatic to watch the bit where some big beefy ditch digger whacked an otter

into the next world with a dirty great spade…[now that bloke really was a cunt…

even if he was fictitious]…

ps…my previous post, the in depth review of the Swaro80hd scope, seem’s to have gone down quite well in certain quarters…tho I’ve yet to hear from Mr.Swaro himself..[and I don’t suppose I will]….chuckle..!

The first music vid has fuck all to do with anything really…I just happened to find it on youtube the other day and liked it….

And this bloke always makes me smile....[Mr.Ants best tune i reckon]...

Optic reviews...

2011-04-10T05:10:00.000-07:00

My usual and very predictable response to the latest top brand binocular or scope released onto the market is something along the lines of “fuck off…how much”?

How can such high price tags be justified….? £1600 for a top brand bin….£2400..or thereabouts for a similar top end scope with lens….[screw me sideways with a velbon tripod]….that’s rather painful….

But do such high price tags prevent me from picking up the latest optics for a look see…? No……like a dumb muppet I always have to have a look…and to be honest…sometimes I wish I hadn’t…[read on to find out why…if you can be arsed]…

Now I love reading the reviews on optics…if only for a giggle over the amount of beautifully worded wankshit that is spouted…and I swear…[quite a lot]…that some ‘got to have the latest optic freaks’ must toss themselves cross-eyed whilst gazing at glossy photos of the latest optics and reading the pornographic advertising blurb- bollox….

In my opinion…Swarovski are the supreme masters at producing seductive stuff….ie optical products that appear more like sex toys…and in fact I’m quite surprised that their scopes don’t have a vibrate mode and come with lubricant….[chuckle]…!

Having said that…they are amazingly good products…otherwise I wouldn’t have bought a 80m HD magnesium scope with 25-50 eye piece the other day from In Focus at Rutland Water….[I told you I wished I hadn’t looked]….

So what induced me to make such an extravagant purchase apart from sheer madness…? Well certainly not the reviews…and it has to be said of reviewers that you just can’t trust most of the fuckers who write them…[tho I do hasten to add that there are reasonably unbiased reviews about…but not many]…

Quite obviously no manufacturer of optics is gonna hand over a scope or bins to a person who’s review concludes by saying….“this product is absolute and utter shiteshit”…[such a negative review would be inadvisable if the reviewer wants some freebies]…

I have it on good authority…[tho I didn’t speak to him upon this subject when he was about]…that the late great Peter Grant gave up on reviewing optics because he felt tooo compromised. And from that I take it that such was the mans integrity he wouldn’t stoop to writing twisted fuckin verse about an optic in order to get free ‘stuff’….[top man]..!

Since trading in my Swaro65hd a few days ago…[which has apparently, been quickly snapped up by some punter at Titchwell]…I have questioned my sanity for paying so much dosh for a new Swaro scope…but this feeling soon passes whenever I look thru the 80hd…

So are my words of praise for Swaroscopes all intended to blow smoke up Mr.Swarovski’s arse…? No…not really!

I have said before that I don’t like the focus mechanism on their binoculars…and I still don’t….[you would expect…nay deserve…a superb smooth focus wheel on a bino that costs so much money….but I won’t dwell on that]. Please Mr.Swaro take note that Nikon is far better in this respect…and that’s why I have Nikon bins. However…i’ve never entertained the purchase of their EDG scope which was obviously designed by a complete knob and actually looks like a knob crossed with a pepper grinder….[optically great tho I’m sure]…

All nonsense and unnecessary swearing aside…as everyone knows…there’s not a lot of difference, performance wise, between the top brands of optics…they’re all good these days…so in the end it’s just down to personal preference…

[And for those more sensible individuals there are plenty of other brands of decent priced optics about]….

Where Swarovksi do win hands down tho is in their after sales service…second to none…..[and speaking of getting good service]…and because I told Mike at In Focus that I would mention this…

The staff in the optical department at Egleton Rutland Water are top notch….Mike really knows his stuff and is always happy to help…and what’s more he enjoys a fuckin good giggle which is of the uttermost importance…[in fact…anyone who hasn’t got a sense of humour can just ‘go away now’ as far as I’m concerned]…

So will I be getting any freebies for writing about how good Swaro scopes and In Focus Optics are…? Will I bollox….[tho I would accept a ploughmans lunch with a side order of chips seeing as I can’t afford any food after purchasing that scope]….

Ps…I now need I new scope case….[“how fuckin much”]??!!! See attached photos of Swarovski cases…[not really]….chuckle…

Pps…[shires bird news]….8 Garganey and Red b Mergansers yesterday…[see shite image of quackers somewhere hereabouts]…oh…and the breeding plum Slav Grebe is still about….[I have some shite shots of that too]….

Here’s a bit o Joy Division….[not the division where they make swaro scopes]…

Excellent vid here by Paranoid Products for a summer campaign of Coca cola's....[and does the ad wanna make me buy the drink]...? Take a wild fuckin guess...[tho i do like Coca Cola]...ha...[no really i do]....

Slender billed Curlew...history...?

2011-04-02T04:02:00.000-07:00

As the birding world seems to be eagerly awaiting the decision over the UK slender billed curlew record I thought that I might write an in depth and thoroughly scientific review of this bird and include carefully constructed graphs n probability factors and all sorts of bollox that will blind you to the obvious…

I thought I might write a serious review…but then I thought…”fuck it”….

The Dreary Bay Curlew was in fact a fuckin chicken…or maybe a roadrunner…as anyone with an ounce of stupidity knows….

Now it has to be said…[it doesn’t really]….that Roadrunners n chickens do look very similar, especially in cartoons, and can cause initial confusion to the untrained eye. I have been fortunate enuff to have seen both species and include them on my ‘I don’t really give a fuck’ British 4000 list….along with many other unbelievable rarities such as the ultra-rare Ratspiss Falcon…[which looks like Eleanora’s]… and the little known..[and unheard of]..Dungdung bird…[which was shite]…and now extinct…

To be serious tho…I did originally think that the Dreary Bay Curlew identification to be fairly sound ie..‘good’…but having recently revisited all the ‘guff’….[pix n shit]….i believe that the original video grabs were perhaps a bit misleading….and now I think that it wasn’t an SBC…[more a KFC]…chuckle…! It’s a jizz thing….just didn’t seem right somehow..

Whatever…having said that…there’s obviously no substitute for having seen the bird in flesh n feather and I do have the greatest respect for the finder of this bird…

So far the identification debate has gone a bit like this:

WAS ONE…wasn’t one….WAS ONE….wasn’t….WAS…wasn’t…IT FUCKIN WAS…no it fuckin wasn’t….YES IT BASTARD WAS…no it bastard wasn’t….JUST COZ YOU DIDN’T SEE IT…..drop dead twat…..[and so on]…

[Actually…the internet debate hasn’t been like that…but there have been similarities at times]…

Anyways up….the DBC…[or KFC]…record is now with the BOURC and we shall see what happens in due course…

First vid up shows two non-elected rarity committee members discussing the ‘curlew’ in question…[not really]…tho there might be similarities….[chuckle]…

Here's some nice footage of proper slender billed....[not taken in UK]...

And here's some great music from the great Bo Diddley...[which includes still pix of the DBC]...

Wonders of the Universe....

2011-03-27T02:02:00.000-07:00

Professor Brian Cox’s excellent TV series the Wonders of the Universe concludes tonight.

A surprise ‘hit’ with viewers and testament to Mr.Cox’s presenting skills that it has proved so popular. I have enjoyed his wanderings across the globe posing against various sunsets and landscapes as he conveyed zillions and trillions of billions of bits of information about ‘stuff’….

This intelligent successful series also proves the interest of many in the origins of the universe…and tonight concludes and relates to evolution…[so I am lead to believe]…

It should make for entertaining viewing and will certainly make a change from watching images of UK protests and riots over this ‘costcutters’ government actions and uprisings further afield.

And speaking of fields….i went out yesterday into the field and saw buger all birds, but did witness and photographed what remained of an overnight arrival down a local country lane…[obviously deposited by highly evolved humanoid creatures who were undoubedly off their heads]….

And I was hoping to see a wheatear or two….oh well…!

On a brighter note….the blossoms are superb at the moment…even tho they were shivering in cooling fog yesterday morning….

ps...[the first attached vid had me pissing myself]....

Now as Proff Cox was a member of the band D-Ream...you might expect me to attach a vid of him singing 'things can only get better'.....a shite little tune associated with New Labour n joker face Tony Blair...[but i ain't gonna]...

So here's a different oldie......a forgotten brother of Ed Miliband.....'Steve'....[chuckle]....

Brimstones and Fire...

2011-03-22T03:28:00.000-07:00

The lack of recent postings on this blog is due to the fact that there is fuck all going on and as a consequence I’ve had fuck all to say…[hoorah]…! One less fuckwit spouting illogical and often unintelligible nonsense then…

Of course…when I say that there is “fuck all goin on”…I am naturally talking about the relative “fuck all” goin on within the UK birding scene and quite obviously not referring to the recent horrendous global events ‘goin on…and on’…

As our Spring slowly uncoils and sets free the first kamikaze migrants onto our shores we welcome them with open arms and eager optics. Anticipation grows with warming days as the first butterflies take wing and provide a welcome sight to our winter-worn eyes. The other day I observed with some joy my first Brimstones of the year as Skylarks filled the air with song and all seemed very optimistic and orchestral…[not quite a full symphony yet…but getting there]…!

Ain’t nature wonderful…? Well yes…it is…but equally it can be a complete fuckin bitch…as we’ve all seen recently on the ever-rolling downhill televised news from Japan that has turned me, I must confess, into something of a bulimic...[I mean…just how much destruction can you witness without wanting to chuck up]…?!!

Earthquakes…tsunami’s….nuclear reactor meltdowns…and now…to top off natural disasters we have the mad G’dafi Duck quacking his deluded venomous shit and bullets everywhere….[providing evidence yet again, as if it were needed…that power always corrupts]…

Such is the fragility of human nature…and such is the chaotic state of ‘nature’…blah de obvious blah blah shit and so on…etc

So here’s some good news for a change: we seem to have an increasing population of Ravens in the shires…and yesterday we were watching a Scando Jackdaw at Rutland Water and marvelling at all the new lagoons that have been created here recently. All rather splendid I have to say…apart from the fact that one cannot see out of the Egleton Centre at the moment owing to construction work requiring a plastic curtain to have been rolled down obscuring the view of lagoon one…[bit of a pisser]…!

To be honest…with the way Rutty Water is growing I think that a totally new center at Egleton is needed…a more substantial structure…but hey…all in time I guess…!

ps….on returning home after yesterdays visit to Rutty by chance we got chatting to a Libyan neighbour of my mate who came over to have a chat. A very nice bloke who was naturally very concerned about the troubles in his homeland. He has family in Benghazi and disturbingly has no news from them…all very very worrying.

Now here in the UK I dare say that I am not alone in being rather distrustful of our politicians after the Iraqi misinformation debacle but this Libyan man assured me that he for one was very happy with the UN’s intervention and would be extremely happy to see the back of G’dafi the dictator duck…I wish he’d just fuckin quack off….

pps...here's some of Elbows new stuff....tis on me car CD player most days...[like you needed to know that]...

And if you liked that...here's a bit more....build a rocket boys....

If you think Elbow are shit...watch a cartoon instead....[chuckle]...

'Tuff Shit' takes a break...!

2011-02-18T04:19:00.000-08:00

Wednesday evening found a small group of Leicestershire birders in a pub supping real ale and talking the usual birding bollox….

Much merriment was being derived from those individuals who hadn’t attended Tuesdays ‘nightmare on elm street’ episode with the fuckin Oriental Dove at Chipping Norton….[and I don’t blame them]…it was bizarrely funny…

The insanity of queuing all day outside a house where the bird wasn’t even present was beyond ridiculous…a triumph of hopeful stupidity over common sense…

However, as the bird was obviously still present, a friend and myself decided that the only sensible? thing to do was to return to the scene of the birding crime…and this time mean business.

This time…we would be mentally and physically prepared for a full scope-toting assault, armed too with the reassuring knowledge that at least we wouldn’t be lining up like optic carrying tramps outside a turtle dove soup-kitchen...

Returning from the pub after midnight I picked up a missed text from a friend who was also interested in going for the dove on Thursday…and in addition he also had the intention of going for the slaty backed gull…! My initial thoughts upon reading this were ‘you gotta be kidding!!!…you’ll be lucky enough to see the dove let alone have time for a blast at that dammed gull’….

And so the day dawned…driving thru a misty morning with low expectations but ever hopeful.

We parked up at the end of Elm Street..[the Leys]…and slowly began to amble up the hill to begin what we thought was going to be a very long day…

A few birders were present in the distance and I quickly recognized the familiar birding face of Simon Roberts who had dipped along with the rest of us on that fateful Tuesday. He began to wave wildly and shouted. “It’s been showing for the past half hour and is probably still on view”…!!!

‘What the f*** bleeping f***!?…bollox and double triple bollox…we should have been on site earlier…[we thought as we quickened our pace]….

Now as all birdy folk know..it only takes a second or two to miss a bird and as we shuffled into position no-one seemed to have it on view…and then. “There it is”…fuck!!…and I hadn’t even got me flippin pod erected…[chuckle]…but fortunately a very kind gentleman let me look down his scope…hoo-freakin-haa and halle-bloody-lujah….at last…!!

45 minutes later the dove was really showing off..strutting it’s feathery stuff along the boughs of an ash tree….[coo-cool…n all that]…smart bird…etc

Well that was easy wasn’t it…?!

Soon after this viewing my ‘missed text’ colleague turned up with his crew including a certain birding ‘pie-man’ from Sheffield….[who I was disappointed not to see actually scoffing a pie but instead a steady stream of sandwiches]…chuckle…!

Very soon they too had seen the bird and so ensued the usual hanging and clowning around..wallowing in our success at having seen the lovely dove. Thoughts then began to inevitably drift towards ‘that gull’….hhhmmmm…I wonder..?

Would it come on the pager?…well yes…it duly did…and to cut this stupidly long story short….before long we were watching ‘the gull’ at Rainham twatting about on Wennington Marshes….

As many will have observed there has been much debate about this gulls identity. Wing mirrors…p9..p10…p45’s…pearl necklaces and pinky n perky bubble gum straddling legs aside…my own personal description, which I will be submitting to the rarities committee, goes like this:

“It was a big fat bastard gull which appears to have swallowed a space hopper and has the head of an albatross”….[I wonder if they’ll accept that]…? Ha…etc

ps…should the gull be accepted then this will be an almost unheard of double day for me…[ I cannot remember the last time I saw two new birds in a day in the UK]…I’d probably have to go back to 1982….fuck a duck….!!

How mad is the attached vid….? [which has, by the way, nothing to do with anything written here]….i just like it….!

Have a nice day……

Nightmare....

2011-02-16T07:40:00.000-08:00

Armed with a sense of distasteful desperation, boredom, no morals whatsoever and a pair of bins I joined the long line of birders in Chipping Norton yesterday in the hope of seeing a Rufous Turtle Dove…

On the Monday this rare dove had shamelessly flaunted itself in front of lustful and mainly local punters who, I have no doubt, had a very satisfactory time…

The bird, in all probability, rubbed it’s breast feathers up against the steamy glass kitchen window several times and may have even done a little pole dance in order to bring its audience to a climax. Perhaps the bird wrapped its wings round the stem of the bird table and seductively sucked seed whilst winking at the twitchers who were wiping away tears of ecstasy over a nice cup of tea and a chocolate hob nob…

But yesterday wasn’t like that….it was shit…...

I was expecting at the very least to see the fuckin thing…if only for five minutes…especially upon hearing that the bird had already put on an early show.

Quid’s in we thought…piece of piss…no problem…fork over a fiver for good causes…see the twatting dove and home by lunchtime…..job done..!

Oh how wrong we were…[assumption IS the mother of all fuck ups]….

Whilst in the queue, along the road I now call Elm Street, a guy behind me was cracking on about how the bird had flown off and at first I thought it was just a bit of a wind up…but it wasn’t…unfortunately..

Time ticked by….slipped by…lurched forwards…fell over…picked itself up and vomited in our expectant faces…[time did everything but fly by]…..yaawwnnnnn..!!

On such occasions tho…one tries to keep ones spirits up…and usually this involves socializing with assembled kindred spirits who are equally fucked off but still hopeful of a happy outcome. Inevitably you find yourself wandering up and down ticking off familiar birders. ‘My little pony’ Lewington trailed his distinctive maine up and down the road, as affable as ever, whilst behind me in the queue Mr.Millington was sporting a rather bright purple helmet on his head and Lee…as per usual…was on the front line gathering intel…etc

Mr. Holman showed me the best bird of the day thru his scope…[a peregrine]…whilst verbally confirming each other’s thoughts on how shit the rare bird scene had been of late…[this not so lovey dovey episode following in the sickening wake of ‘that’ Rainham bastard slaty backed gull thing]…

As boredom reigned supreme a rumour surfaced upon the predicable pond of birding gossip that a local press photographer was responsible for flushing the dove. ‘Great’…I thought…‘lets have someone to blame for this debacle’…you can’t beat a bit of indignant outrage…and at least pulses will be raised as oppose to this crappy birding non-event which was by now on a life support system…

But no…my enquiries proved that this rumour was unfounded…for even tho there actually was a press photographer in the adjacent garden he was not…apparently…the cause of the dove piggin off…[which was a shame as I was looking forward to hounding him up the street, pelting him with turds and tipping his car over]…ha..!

So there was no-one to blame in reality….the dove just decided to piss everyone off and left the stage by the back door….

I feel fairly sure that the bird will reappear at some point and one can only hope that it isn’t in the form of cat shit or a fur-ball…[I believe that a local moggy may have already had a go at it]…we shall see…

Ps…the dove, I’ve just read, has been filmed today….[great]….

Pps…see exclusive vid of bird below….[chuckle]….!

A classic Beatles song...'All You Need Is Dove'.....

ppps...Beatle songs have a habit of disappearing from me blog so enjoy...[or not]...while you can...

Sound n Vision.....

2011-02-13T08:22:00.000-08:00

Wet Sunday in blighty….no birds…so this is one o them posts where I bang on some music vids that no-one will like….!

Is there such a thing as good V’s bad taste when it comes to music…?

Nahhh…you like what you like at any particular point in time…perhaps the stuff you rated years ago will sound like garbage in your ears today….and conversely the stuff you thought was shite years ago you might have a new appreciation of today…who knows…?

Must admit…I love fishing around on youtube for sounds that are new to me…especially if folk have produced some interesting visuals to accompany the music…

One such band I found a while back…[as anyone who has been foolish enough to look thru past blog entries will know]…was Little Dragon…

And this band lead me to others which I kinda like…

Ps..i have seen a few birds lately by the way….mainly barn owls…an image appears here of one I saw the other day….watched him catching an unhappy mouse at the roadside…[eeekkkk…aaarrgghhhh]….etc

On the first vid you can have a go at identifying some birds....

Another band i hadn't heard of....quite like this track...[obviously]...

Singer Yukimi is bloody amazing....[couldn't resist putting another Little dragon track on]...hope you enjoy.....

Pimp show....

2011-02-10T06:07:00.000-08:00

Countless birders, including myself, have on occasion been ‘shown’ certain species around the world that without local expertise and guidance you would be very unlikely to see…

So we make a choice…

Do you want to see a species or not…? And if the answer yes, as it often is, we pay up…job done. But are you really happy with this pay n display sort of birding?…and if you are not….then why do it…? Stupid question really...as the answer is that most of us cannot resist the temptation of course….such are our needs….

Now many folk are probably quite willing and happy to be shown a bird…and I would include myself within that relatively ‘happy bunch’….but…..it has to be said that it is not always the most satisfying of experiences…in my opinion…

It was brought home to me some years ago when rolling up to a Diademed Sandpiper site in Peru. Yes the birds were excellent…but did I feel a real ‘high’ on setting my lustful eyes upon this fabulous wader for the first time…?

No….i didn’t.

The only real high I felt was through the altitude and not through the chemical effect of adrenaline I had so craved….because i knew that we were very unlikely to miss these marvelous birds….being served up as they were on the proverbial plate…

And so to the point of this post…if there is actually a point…[chuckle]…!

Recently a friend of mine had been considering visiting Peninsular Thailand in order to see a much wanted species..Gurney’s Pitta….but now he’s not so sure….and why..?

Well….it’s apparently all become a tad tartish if truth be known….for despite this much sought after species being rather crippling it has become a bit…eerrr…toooo easy….or so it seems…?

Of course…it’s no different from going to see a rare hummingbird that visits a particular sugar feeder or an owl at a nesting site….so why should it concern me that a Pitta…[and several Antpitta’s now]…should be so seemingly guaranteed…?

Well…the pure joy of birding, to me anyway, has always been in ‘the hunt’..and Pitta’s have always been a bit of a holy grail to most birders….the excitement of finding one of these elusive creatures through sheer persistence….or perhaps by just good fortune is an occasion to be savored in the memory for a lifetime…!

I guess it just kinda irks me a bit that such a ‘jewel of the forest’ has become so demystified and that now you can view these birds like performing prostitutes cavorting in a flashing neon window….

I now have visions of Pitta’s being tarted up in their rain forest dressing rooms and being coaxed by some pimp who tells em….“Make sure you put on a good show when the curtain goes up…. my clients have paid good money for you to flaunt yer bits…so dance you fuckers dance…or you won’t get yer mealworm fix”….

Were I to be offered the opportunity to see one of my most wanted species…like Giant Pitta…but only if I accepted that the bird had been lured in by use of mealworm-burgers or some other such tasty shit…would I be able to resist such temptation…?

Probably not…but it would be one hell of an anti-climax in all probability…[still…one has the choice…and I do appreciate the economical and conservation benefits to all concerned….and i would certainly not frown upon anyone making a living out of wildlife tourism lest it be thought otherwise]….etc

Recently on Birdingblogs I was very heartened to hear how Dale Forbes saw Gurny’s Pitta…and I’m sure that you’ve probably seen this vid…but hey…it’s superb…so it’s always worth another look….[these birds are pornographic]….

This music vid contains lewd visuals and language so don't look if easily offended...[i could have put on a worse vid]...!! It is slightly pornographic.....but can you resist...?

ps...nine inch nails...closer....[great little tune]....!

Lie back.....

2011-02-06T05:54:00.000-08:00

Windy conditions over the shires have rather put me off venturing into the field thus far this weekend….however….the inclement weather did not put me off attending a birders curry in Leicester City last night….

As one would expect the usual subjects popped up in conversation over our meal….ie…gull identification matters…..decisions made by rarity committee’s…stringing bastards…suppressing bastards….[bastards in general]….and of course football and rugby…yada yada….

‘Politics’ only briefly raised its ugly head and ‘religion’…fortunately… was off the menu regards discussion….

After consuming a very fine meal we retreated to a local boozer…[aptly named ‘the pub’]…where we switched from Cobra lager to whatever…[Guinness and whiskey being my favored plonk]…like you should care…

Anyway…it was in The Pub where conversation became more interesting, from my point of view, as sex drugs n rock n roll entered the debates….

Private conversation about sex n drugs will remain private…[I’m no squealer]...but music…and in particular ‘tastes in music’ I will drivel on about until I get bored…

Now I, being a leper from society…[ie…a smoker]… found myself, as per usual, outside the pub and chatting to fellow lepers…one of which happened to be a socializing buddy from the old days who was..and still is…a bit of a music fiend.

Chatting to this guy, whilst observing the various Saturday night out folk stumbling up and down the street, I happened to tell him that I liked Rammstein….and he immediately replied…“You do know that Rammstein was heavily influenced by Liabach don’t you”…?

No…I fuckin didn’t….“Who the fuck are Liabach”? The only time I’d heard anything that sounded like Liabach was when visiting the dentist…or the character that pig-tailed twat Steven Segal played in the Under siege movies…Casey Riback….

We went on to discuss attitudes towards the imagery of certain bands…and how moronic folk misinterpret ‘stuff’ as always…..[in the case of Rammstein you get all the predictable ‘nazi’ bollox thrown in their direction]….etc

Anyway…to cut a long story short…me old mate left me in the windy doorway of the pub insisting vehemently…even as he disappeared into the night…that I googled Liabach…and as he disappeared a very sweet barmaid who was sitting behind me on a fag break started up a conversation. She giggled and told me that I gave the impression of being unconvinced about googling Liabach….[but I did google them….and I think they are amazing]….!

Ps….i inquired as to the musical tastes of the barmaid and was heartened to find that she hated Radio One….and also liked The Kinks….[and who says that the younger generation has no taste]…..?

Pps…after singing the praises of this Slovenian avant-garde band I guess you might click on first track and give it about ten seconds….[chuckle]…but by way of contrast…have a look at second vid…quite quite different….!

Each to their own….[have a nice day]….

There's a well weird end to this vid.....[made me laugh]...!

Eeeny...meena...miny...DOH..!!!

2011-02-02T03:09:00.000-08:00

It appears to me that the birding gods are not best pleased with UK birders at the moment…how else can one explain the recent rarities that have ‘got away’…?

Once again it seems that the god of dip…’Tuff Shit’…is grinning down with his wide brown toothless smile from on high…farting in the faces of expectant twitchers thru his immense sticky butt cheeks….

Not content with fuckin folk off with a belated Dusky Thrush…Tuff Shit now presents us with yet another star bullies prize…[“look at what you cudda won”]….a Rufous Turtle Dove…and yes…it was in yet another magic fuckin garden…!

And perhaps more ill brown winds are yet to blow off from this dreaded birding god…[it wouldn’t surprise me if next week photo’s appeared of a piggin Hawk Owl perched on some fuckers bird table eating the neighbours cat]…..

So what have UK birders done to warrant such wrath…?

Have they not religiously done their local patches..?

Are some birders guilty of trying to tick species that are hybrids…?

Of course some may say that birding gods don’t exist and that they are akin to fairies at the bottom of your garden….[I believe that Gary Numan said summat about that in me last crappy post]…not that you will have bothered to listen to it as you probably didn’t click on the link….[chuckle]…!

And just to prove that fairies really do exist please note attached image….[definitely fairies and not midges dancing in the sun]….

I think Mr.McKinney got it right with his comment on the latest UK rarity that got away…AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH….!!!

Quite…..!

Ps…we can only hope that this friggin dove is proved to be an escape or some bastard mutant….or maybe it will reappear....? [don't bet on it]...!

And here's another bleedin obvious vid to accompany sentiments....[i was gonna attach 'when doves cry'...but EMI don't like you nicking their vids]...spoil-sports...

Numan...

2011-01-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

As there seems to be very little going on in the birding world at present I thought I’d just do a ‘musical bit’….and yes…it’s about Gary Numan….so if you don’t like the geezer then fuck off right now…[chuckle]…!

In the late seventies I had fazed somewhat from the birding scene…[as I’d been struck by one of life’s little lightening bolts]….and in the process had missed Wallcreeper…[which I have yet to see in UK]….amongst other goodies….shit happens...etc

Instead of twitching I took to frequenting Leicester clubs n bars where myself, and one or two other tribe members of the L3, took to certain pleasures like ducks to water….[I won’t elaborate]…suffice to say that a good time was had…

Now ‘birding’ is hardly an activity that one might describe as being ‘cool’….but in the seventies surrounded by punks and the like…we seemed to fit in as outcasts being generally alienated by society as fuckin freaks….[and let’s face it…birders are still regarded as freaks]….

When Numan burst onto ‘the scene’ in the late seventies he was shat on by the press…. [probably because he was so popular]…and in recent years i have been happy to witness a reappraisal of this blokes stuff…

Now exactly why I have decided to reappraise and listen to Numan at this time I don’t know…[but I thought it may be a chuckle to relate music of the time to birding ‘events’]…etc….

The first vid is off the Kenny Everett show from 1980....[the year of 'A Twitchers Diary' by Millington].....fuck knows what music he was into...!

This is a clip from the BBC's 'Synth Brittania'...[if you don't give a dam about electro music then don't bother]...

And finally...[now that you is completely bored]...this is Numan in 1979 at the Hammersmith in London when 'Cars' was at number one in the charts following 'Are Friends Electric'...[and yes...i was in the audience at this concert...and it was electric]...!

More bollox...

2011-01-25T03:27:00.001-08:00

First we get a Harrier that ‘may’…[and more than likely is]…a Northern Harrier….then some rubbish loving gull…which may or may not be a Slaty-Backed…and then we get, joy of joys, belated pix of an amazing looking Dusky Thrush that’s been pratting around in Wigan for fuck knows how long…

It just keeps getting better and better don’t it…?

Still…one must keep things in perspective….and as folk often rightly point out…it’s not as if you’ve had your home swept away in a flood or something equally devastating is it..? Yep…we all know that far bigger shit happens in life than the missing of a rare bird…but it’s all relative…and it's still painful..!

Up and down the UK birding junkies are, in all likelihood, still drooling over the photo’s of ‘that’ Thrush…and probably writhing in the unfulfilled ecstasy that could have been...

But fear not…good times will come…! Won’t they…?

Well…perhaps not quite as many ‘good times’ if the slightly sinister suspicions become reality as expressed on BF recently….[ie..the increased suppression of rare birds]. I would not disagree with these suspicions…however…I do foresee a few future problems for the competitive lister…[which I am not…fortunately]…!

[Potential and totally fictitious scenario]…that begins with…

A late night phone call:

“Hey Mr.Orange…it’s Mr.White here…..you’re not gonna believe this…but there’s an Evening Grosbeak coming to a bird table in the village of Grumblemoan….and I’ve just seen the bastard”!!!….

“What the fuck…noooo…..you’re kidding me”?!!!

“No I ain’t….and it’s a stonking male…fuckin porn….i kid thee not..!
A friend of mine who lives in the village got talking to his elderly neighbours who told him about this weird bird visiting their garden”!!

“Bloody hell….”

“Yeah….i couldn’t believe it…this old couple told me mate that
they’d been watching a young puffin hanging on their nut bags for the past week”

“A young puffin”?

“I know…I know…frickin joke yeah?…but basically it was a bird with a very
large bill..so I went along to have a look expecting maybe a Hawfinch at best…
boy was I fuckin shocked when this monster appeared…I’m still shaking”!

“Jeeeezzzz….so what’s the score with access then…are the couple willing to
let folk view the bird or what”..?

“That’s the problem Mr.Orange…no way are they gonna let horde’s of childish
binocular wielding tossers into their house to view their bird table..and I don’t really blame them”

“Fuck”

“Fuck indeed Mr.Orange…but they did say that they wouldn’t mind a few folk
coming round for a butchers…as long as they kept the news quiet and all…so…I
don’t know if you’d wanna come over for a viewing”?

“Shit on a stick…yeah…i’ll be round in the morning…but just to confirm
the record you understand”…?

“Naturally…wink wink….just to ‘confirm’…yeah right….
but aren’t you gonna get into a spot of bother by not telling your mates”…?

“AAwwaahhhmmm…maybe you’re right…oh bollockin hell…perhaps I’d better not come over to tick…err ‘confirm’ it …I mean…if it ever got out that I’d seen an Evening Grosbeak”…

“Yeah….i know…you’d have your bollox set alight and nailed to your tripod
wouldn’t you”?

“At the very least…oh fuckin hell…an Evening Grosbeak”!!!

“I got some photo’s if you wanna see them if that will cheer you up Mr.Orange”

“Wot…you got pix?…send them over…I’m at my computer…jeezz”

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

“Are you looking at the photo’s Mr.Orange”?

“Aahhh..dduuhhh…oh yes…ohh yyeesss…ooww..aarrgghhh”

“Are you okay there?…what do you reckon to the photo’s?”

“Hold on a minute Mr.White…I haven’t finished
confirming yet…oohhff…oohhh...aahhh”…etc

“You’re not having a wank are you”..?

[Now who knows whether the ficticious Mr.Orange was having a wank or not....the point is that being put in the situation of privately viewing a rare bird does put one in a rather awkward....and potential sticky situation]...

ps...first video up has nothing to do with any of the above scribbling...tho i do think that this song verges on being pornography...

This vid however does relate to the above nonsense....[chuckle]...

Rubbish Gulls....

2011-01-20T10:04:00.000-08:00

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made inglorious by some rare gull…

But for a while it did dwell
Amidst the smell
Upon a rancid rubbish tip
Where it happily fed on tons of shit…
The bastard

[Great poetry huh]…? Ha….!

So not the best of starts to the birding year…a slightly controversial gull…!
I’ve been chewing on the ID of ‘that’ bird for a while now…[and still can’t get the bad taste out of my potty mouth]…

Must admit…‘these sort’ of birds..after a while…do my friggin head in….not that I don’t like ‘challenging’ species…[identification-wise]…but when it comes down to possible hybrids/clines and all of this DNA crap…[literally]…it makes me pray for something a tad simpler…like a Hawk Owl…or indeed anything that is non-controversial..!

At Rainham last Saturday all I did see was a Caspian gull…a leucistic Herring Gull and a couple of ring necked parakeets…[wow]…well worth getting wind-blown by a shit tip for….!

Of course…this Slaty-backed Gull…[or whatever it proves to be]….has thus far failed to return to Rainham landfill site…but the debate on it’s identity rumbles on…and on…

So until…or if…it returns…I shall content myself with species of a different berry eating kind that we seem to have plenty of in Leicestershire at the moment…[oh no…not more fuckin Waxwings]…yep…!

Ps…photo’s attached here include:

‘Dancing Tripods in the wind at Rainham’
‘A Flock of fucked off Dippers’
‘Heavy metal birder made out of shopping trolleys on the Thames’
‘Waxwings up a tree wondering which way to go’

pps...the following music vid contains a bloke who seems to be wearing a white suit of sorts….[and any resemblance to a well known birder is completely coincidental]…I just like the track…[okay…so it’s not Rammstein]...

And i'm banging this vid on simply because whilst looking for waxwings today i was blinded by the light from a low glaring sun...[and it gave me a eye-ache]...which is better than balls-ache i guess....

A classic i reckon...and a trip down memory lane for older farts....[like meself]..!

Thank fuck for that....

2011-01-02T04:24:00.000-08:00

The season to be unnaturally ‘jolly’ is over….good…!

I hope you all had a good X-mas and new year….got drunk…stuffed your turkeys and then yourselves with bizarre combination's of food which eventually made you feel somewhat sick whilst watching terminal shit on the television…etc…[chuckle]…I know I did…!

Don’t get me wrong…I love a ‘good time’…I just don’t like being forced to have a ‘good time’…and that’s the problem with the festive season…

Tis great for the kiddies tho…..and I hope they all got the latest iphone gizmo or whatever expensive bit of techno shit they wanted for X-mas in order for them not to go into a fuckin strop. I also hope that parents didn’t do their nuts in stressing over the cooking and socializing whilst trying to keep their fake smiles plastered in position….!

[Seriously tho…hope you all had a great time]…!

And so….the calendar has clicked on into the new year…and what was new years day like for me birding wise…? Absolute dismal grey pissy wet bollox with fuck all to see apart from a single damp buzzard…so I aborted my birding endeavours and went to my local country boozer and chatted to barmaids instead…[far more entertaining]…

Television highlights were far and few between during the festering period…the Christmas Doctor Who episode was just ‘okay’…[but the new scriptwriters ain’t up to Russell T’s standard in my opinion]. I was disappointed that Laurel and hardy were absent from the screen..and not a Marx brothers film to be seen either….[arsole programmers]..!

Fortunately there was a nice little drama on the early years of Eric n Ernie on the BBC that was quite enjoyable and entirely appropriate at Christmas time as Morcambe and Wise always used to do a TV special…

Best film I saw over Christmas was the ‘Sound of Music’…[was it fuck]…no…it was ‘Mars Attacks’ by Tim Burton….superb nonsense….i’d forgotten how good it was…!

Whilst searching youtube for a bit of ‘Mars Attacks’ I found this first vid….[not heard of this German band before]….great stuff…very powerful….and if you don’t like it then tuff…..! Very 'heavy'...but i guess McKinney might like it...

And as i liked their music so much...here's some more Rammstein....

Dear John....

2010-12-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

How does one write about the passing away of a great birding bloke and friend without becoming too sentimental…?

I’ll give it a go….[tho I probably won’t succeed]…and if I do attempt to be humorous, or even swear a bit, then please note that this is not out of any disrespect…it’s just my ‘way’…

Well…what an absolute bastard thing….i will miss John Thatcher’s cheery company and smiley bearded face looking like a cross between Santa Claus and Colonel Saunders…[I know he wouldn’t mind me saying that]…!

All Leicestershire birders will have their own memories of John…and I am sure that all memories will be very fond indeed as he was an amazingly affable bloke who possessed an insightful wit…loved his birds…[obviously]…but above all…he was just great company…and he will be sadly missed by everyone….

He always contributed under the guise of ‘Pop’ on Birdforum where I know his postings were very popular amongst folk…even on Christmas day he was still posting...bless him..!

Now I could woffle on down Memory Lane more but I won’t just now…..[i'm just gonna shut the fuck up instead]...because no doubt I shall look back at this scribbling when in a different frame of mind and probably think that I could have done better…

The song i have attached says it all really...[and no...it ain't a chirpy-upbeat song]....but it seems appropriate....

Ps…I hope to see Johns birdy crew mates at some point soon and no doubt we will have a dam good chin-wag about ‘stuff’….and hopefully even amongst all the shitty pain felt…we will have a good laugh…[John always enjoyed a chuckle]….!

Pps….I know that many will have already seen the following bird video….[i know John will have done]…he had ‘a thing’ about spooners….and he never got to see this great bird....but he was as always..philosophical...

Guy Garvey is a bit of a birder too...[just thought you might not know that]....

Cobblers...

2010-12-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

Highs and Lows…

Birdwise…naff all apart from a nice Glaucous Gull at Rutty in the past few days..

Waxwings still friggin around…[plus a little story from a mate o mine who told me that he nearly got arrested by cops for looking dubious whilst searching for said pinky flipwigs]….and he didn’t see any waxers on that particular occasion…shite day eh..?!!

In the news:

Facebook junkies fail to stop X-factor winner from getting to the number one spot…

Weather news….loada fuckin snow just been dumped on the shires…

Other unrelated to anything bollox news:

Wanna buy some rubbish items this Christmas..?….then why not try…

Tefal products…..what an absolute pile of bastard shit they really are…

Not so long ago...like anyone gives a flying fuck...I bought a nice shiny stainless steel front-loading toaster along with an equally attractive shiny matching kettle that really looked the ‘business’. And I foolishly thought that after investing, a not insubstantial sum, that I would forever be bombarded with slice upon slice of terrifically toasted toasty toast accompanied by oceans of boiled water…ideal for making several gallons of coffee which form part of my carefully controlled daily diet…

[I take it that these purchases were not up to your expectations then]…?

No…they fuckin weren’t…!! One of the clicky-down levers on the toaster went tits up within six months and now the kettles started to leak like some sort of incontinent dalek…

[Making a bit of a mockery of the saying “you get what you pay for” then]…?

Indeed! You don’t always get what you pay for…in fact….very much like some brands of binoculars that we pay increasingly huge sums for…

[Are you referring to any one brand of binocular in particular]…?

Well not really…but let’s just say that some brands…like..err….Swaro….do seem to have their focus wheels sponsored by Crunchy Nut fuckin Cornflakes although in all other respects they are very fine binoculars. I’m exaggerating to a degree of course but i just think that, in their overwhelming desire to produce sexy designs, manufacturers just overlook some fundamentals…that’s all…
Now I say I was exaggerating…but my mates high priced bins ended up more like-a prototype for a Tefal fuckin peppergrinder by the time he got rid of them…so bad was the focusing wheel….[and then there is the matter of after sales service….or lack of it…like..err…in some cases….nuff said]!

ps…I now have a new Breville toaster….very smart….very shiny….and is proving, after extensive use over at least 3 months, to be yet another pile of absolute fuckin shit….

pps…I now have a plan to weld together all of these scrappy useless metal items into killing machines. The all new ‘Tefal Terminator Toaster’ and the ‘Tefal killing machine Dalek Kettle’...
And when completed, I shall send my army of imaginary shiny useless items out into the world of ‘wondrously overpriced shit that ain’t built to last coz then you’ll have to buy a new one’ and totally obliterate all peddlers of overpriced bollox equipment….

ppps…I was saddened to hear about Captain Beefheart who kicked the bucket recently…he was kinda ‘out there’….love or loathe him…..genius bastard…sad loss..!

Pppps…I mentioned X-factor earlier and I will relate this to last nights BBC program ‘Imaginary Man’ which was all about Ray Davies and the Kinks….one truly amazing band..!
Ray yakked about the music industry and ‘the death of’…etc.

The following vid…[which was banned originally] represents this….

Merry Christmas….!

Bowie...

2010-12-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

One of our greatest living chameleons….Mr.David Bowie…

What can I say about this highly influential bloke that hasn’t already been said before..? Fuck all….!

As I sit and look at the snow swirling outside, that keeps me holed up inside, I find myself listening to his music again….[fuck if I’m gonna look for any waxwings today]…far too freezing so bollox to it.
I’ve done me shopping….chatted to a very nice Asian girl…[I was probably flirting]…posted some christmas cards etc…so that’s the end of my daylight activities…

Yesterday…[like you wanna hear about more waxwings]…I drove round to me mates and on the corner of his street, high in a tree top, were 25 of the blighters…and beneath them was one flustered looking mistle thrush that seemed to recognize the fact that he was very much outnumbered by these berry plunderers…

So after a quick count of these delightful birds I raced round to tell me mate to get his skates on….and a few minutes later….yep…we drove up and they’d flown….!

None of which verbal has anything to do with David Bowie because as far as I’m aware he has no interest in birds…

I have always been interested in Bowie however...ever since art college when i bought my first album of his...Aladdin Sane...and i guess you could say he has influenced me as i am sure he has many others...!

Hadn't heard this first track before...the guy who did the vid has done a great job i reckon....

Revamped Warhol....rather good...

Owls....

2010-12-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

Who doesn’t like owls….? Well I guess that voles and other little critters aren’t too keen on them…but as for birders….

A mate o mine sent me the first attached vid the other day and as usual when I see this magnificent bird my adrenalin switch is flicked on…and reminded me that I still need to get to Scandinavia again..!

With luck I should be going to Sweden next year with this species being the main priority, ‘fingers crossed’ as we humans do and say…but not really knowing the reason why…?!

Owls have always held a fascination for me…from as far back as the late sixties when taking holidays with my folks in Suffolk I used to regularly observe little owls and took ridiculous amounts of notes on their activities. Since then I’ve been privileged and lucky enough to observe many species worldwide…the latest being the enigmatic Stygian Owl…[and I do not use the word ‘enigmatic’ lightly] as there’s something rather special about that species…!

Anyway…[back to Scandinavia]……we missed Great Grey in Finland on a previous occasion but were compensated to a degree by incredible views of Hawk Owl…and to swear [not necessarily unnecessarily]: “fuck it was awesome”…! The pic on here is my mates...not mine..and brings back some good memories...

Now if only one were to turn up in the UK….[yeah yeah…I know…fat or slim chance]

There has been a 'grey owl' of sorts in the UK in the past....a sort of 'Hastings Rarity' if you like...[the Attenborough brothers saw him in England so it's got to be a genuine sighting]....

A controversial figure.....but his message was clear...

And as i like this visual music...have a go on this vid....superb stuff...[in my opinion]...!

Please go away....

2010-12-14T03:45:00.000-08:00

And please forgive the following swearing diatribe…I can’t help it]…

Not that it’s of any interest…but basically I just ain’t fuckin interested in what most folks are selling…because in the main…it’s shit that I don’t really need. Sooo…here’s just a little recorded message to anyone who tries to sell me stuff over the phone. “If I were to be interested in your ‘product’ then I would contact you…so in the meantime would you kindly stop bothering my earhole with your verbal bollox and peddle your ‘product’ to some other mug who has more money and far less sense than me…[please]…thank you and goodbye”…beeepppp

So why am I writing this garbage and not something about birds…? Well…I just got interrupted by yet another recorded telephone message….this time from HSBC….[bankers…don’t you just love em]…?

Now I don’t know exactly what they were selling as I immediately propelled the phone with considerable venom out of a nearby window. Taking a wild guess I imagine that the HSBC wanted me to take advantage of something or other involving very competitive rates….blah and blah de blah…etc…[i’ll never know now...such a shame]….

I will admit that the girl speaking on behalf of HSBC sounded very sweet tho…[well she would wouldn’t she]?…and perhaps if she’d have started by saying “hi big boy…can I interest you in some free mind-blowing sex involving great tits and seed-eaters”?…etc…then I may have reconsidered chucking the phone out of the window…but she didn’t say that…[strangely enuff]…

Another ‘favourite’…[fuckin annoying]…recorded phone message that’s always coming thru is the one that starts: “Hi…this is a free message”. You don’t say?…how absolutely spiffing!…YOU are ringing ME….and the cost to my person is not a single solitary penny?…how mind-freakingly amazing is that?!! You intrigue me greatly you sweet talking fone-fucker you…so please continue to waste minutes of my existence with your seductive enchantments as I am sure that having listened to your dulcet toned cobblers, for god knows how long, I shall feel compelled to hand over all of my money to whoever it is you work for…..etc….etc….

Okay…unnecessary ‘minor rant’ over….so any bird news…? No……..[tho I did go kerb crawling for an hour yesterday and observed a ‘hoon’…[a loutish looking individual]…being hauled into the back of a plod van…[police vehicle]…on some housing estate…….but no waxwings….[and my mate had just seen 5 of the blighters]…doh..!!

Oh....and that mate sent me the photo of Picathartes posted here which he saw in Ghana recently....[which i was goin to write about...until i got interrupted]....!

ps…I didn’t really chuck the phone out the window…

pps…I set fire to it then shoved it down the toilet…

I imagine that there is some reasonable way that i can stop all these unwanted phone calls...but at the moment i am considering using a hammer...

Because i am a fan of Mr.Lou Reed i was going to stick his nice little tune 'Sick of You' on here....but i found this instead on youtube...and i liked it...[oh....and if an advert pops up on vid then don't get toooo pissed off]....!